The Church and Marriage

Tonight we are on lesson number 23, the church and marriage. As you know, marriage is an institution that culture has gotten wrong and backward every which way you can imagine in today's society. Marriage is often viewed as optional even among young people. Why get married, right? Try before you buy, so to speak. Marriage is often looked at as an archaic relic. In the manosphere, which is where young men that go online go, that's often viewed as a bad deal. Don't get involved with marriage is what they're trying to tell our young men today — that all it's going to do is saddle you with debt and you'll get a divorce and it's not even worth trying, which is a shame, right? Also, of course, culture has gotten even the subject of marriage wrong, right? No longer — they've tried to redefine it from being between one man and one woman, a forever covenant, right?

However, the Bible has much to say about marriage, and churches have contributed greatly to our cultural decline of marriage because often our churches teach bad doctrine about marriage. Many churches who claim the name of Christ say it's okay to have homosexual marriages. It's okay to have no-fault divorce. There are all kinds of ways where they undermine the institution of marriage. But you really can't understand marriage unless you understand the church. You can't understand the church unless you understand marriage. They are intertwined. So that's what we're going to be looking at today. Now, let's begin with Bible point number one.

The church is that great company of persons whom Christ has saved and whom He dwells, whom He's revealed Himself to and through, and in whom He exercises dominion. It's our definition we've been working on. It is basically those who are regenerate, those in whom He dwells, because you can't have salvation apart from union with the Savior. It's those whom He's revealed Himself to. It takes God to reveal Himself to us. The church also reveals God by its very nature. We are a body of Christ, and therefore we are the ones who proclaim His message. We're a missional people. And He exercises dominion in us, right? He is our Lord. He's not just like the tooth fairy up in the sky. He is the sovereign Lord of the universe, and He has saved us for Himself.

United to Christ, the church is a temple of God's indwelling. The church and marriage are both instituted by God for His own glory and for the good of His people. God does everything for His glory, right, and for our good. Both marriage and church were instituted for God's glory and for the good of society, the good of His people. Marriage was instituted as a permanent covenant relationship between one man — man is the first blank — and one woman — woman is the second blank — so that they might live together before God and work for His glory. So marriage is between one man and one woman. It's meant to be a permanent covenant between one man and one woman. It's the way God designed marriage to be. Nowadays there's even cultural decline to where people are talking about having multiple parties being married in some countries, right? To where it'll be three or four people getting married, which is not what Jesus said, that marriage was originally in the beginning, right?

Marriage precedes the church because it was instituted in creation. It's what we call a creation ordinance. There at the very beginning, before there was a church, God put Adam and Eve together, performed the first marriage ceremony in the garden. He presented Eve to Adam. Yet it was intended by God — that marriage was intended by God — to be a type, type is the third blank, or foreshadow of Christ's glorious love for His church.

Marriage was meant to picture Christ's love for His church and the relationship that Christ will have for His church. That is one of the reasons why society wants to water down marriage. Satan wants to deny the world of the witness of Christ's perfect love for His church. If you redefine marriage, if you say it's old-fashioned, then that robs the world of that testimony, that Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Marriage is part of God's common grace in that it is good — good is the fourth blank — and beneficial for all of humanity. The first blank is man, the second blank is woman, the third blank is type, the fourth blank is good. It's good for all of humanity. It's good for people who are not Christians. Do you know that? Marriage is a common good that God has given to all people, just as He sends rain on the just and the unjust. And He allows us to see the sunshine and He allows us to see the beauty of His creation, fills our bellies with good things. Marriage is a good institution.

Application for number one: how is a biblical view of marriage countercultural — that is the blank, C-O-U-N-T-E-R, countercultural? How is a biblical view of marriage countercultural?

Think about if you are college age, which many of our students will soon be, right? What are they told in college? They're saying don't get married. You're not ready for getting married? Wait till you're 30 or so, you need to live a little. And how do you know if you settle down with that one person that you're going to be satisfied? You may end up not liking that person, so you should live with that person and enjoy everything that you would have in marriage, but without the obligation and without the legal obligation that you would be given if you actually married her. And then you can go on to the next one if you don't like her. So skip dating and just move in. That's what culture says today. How can we be countercultural?

We tell our young ones, wait. We tell our young ones that the marriage act and the marriage union are one and inseparable. You wait till you get married, right? And marriage is not to be viewed as a temporary endeavor. It is to be entered into solemnly for life — that for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, no matter what, you're going to stick with that person, right? And you are going to show your wife the love of Christ, and she's going to show you the love of Christ by mutually submitting to one another, by living together for the glory of God.

Point number two, the centrality — centrality is the first blank, C-E-N-T-R-A-L-I-T-Y, centrality — of marriage in Scripture can't be overstated.

When you start looking for it and noticing it, it's everywhere in Scripture. Marriage was given at the very outset as a creation ordinance. We see that in Genesis chapter two. So then in the very beginning, God created Adam. Adam is the highest of all of creation, right? And Adam starts to name the animals, and none are found suitable for Adam. None are a companion for Adam. So what does God do?

He causes a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and He wounds Adam's side, pulls out a rib, and from that rib He creates Eve, and He presents her to Adam. And Adam's overjoyed. We actually find the very first song in Scripture, and that is his poem or his song in Hebrew. Hebrew is meant to be sung. It's a very poetic language, and it's the only words that we have of Adam before the fall.

He's so enamored with this helpmate that God has created for him and from him, right? So at the very beginning of creation, we have marriage. Marriage was protected throughout the law, right? What does the Ten Commandments say? Don't covet your neighbor's wife. Don't commit adultery, right? And you go throughout the entire Levitical code — it's there to protect marriage, the sanctity of marriage, right?

Marriage was solemnized and sanctified by Christ as He performed His first miracle in Cana. Remember when He was in Cana of Galilee at the very beginning of His ministry? What is His first miracle? John is organized around seven miracles, right? The Gospel of John — what's the first miracle that He does? It's at a wedding celebration, right? Those were a joyous time, often a seven-day-long festival making much of marriage, right? And Christ was in attendance, and He helped it by providing wine when they had none.

It was at that wedding that Christ revealed — revealed is the second blank — His glory, and His disciples believed in Him. John 2:11. So centrality is the first blank, revealed is the second blank, believed is the third blank. We often think about God revealing His glory at the Mount of Transfiguration in Christ, right? Well, the Scripture says that His glory was revealed in the very first miracle, right? All of His miracles were showing that He was the divine Son of God. And His disciples, at that point when they saw that miracle, it says they believed in Him — and in the Greek, that means believed into Him. They were united in Christ by faith at that miracle, at that revelation of His glory.

Marriage takes a central place in Christ's teachings. You find that in Matthew 5, which is part of the Sermon on what? The Sermon on the Mount, exactly right. Also, Matthew 19 — He spends a long, extended teaching on marriage and the sanctity of marriage. Marriage likewise takes a central place in the teaching of the apostles. I have a lot of references you can look up in your own time, but 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians 11, Ephesians 3, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3, 1 Timothy 4:1-3, 1 Timothy 2:4-5, Hebrews 13:4.

Marriage is the ultimate — this is the fourth blank — the ultimate state of the church in the new creation. Don't we find that in the book of Revelation? That there is the marriage supper of the Lamb, and then in chapter 21, he beholds new Jerusalem coming down as a bride adorned for her husband. Because marriage is meant to picture Christ's union with us, His bride, the church of God.

Look at Revelation 21:2. "Then I, John, saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of the heavens from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband." We see marriage in the very beginning of Scripture in the book of Genesis, and we find it again at the very end of Scripture in Revelation. We find it all throughout. Flip over on the back. I want to read to you from Cana, the wedding there. John 2, verse 10 and 11. "And he said to him, 'Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine. When the guests have well drunk, then they bring out the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now.'" Everything Christ did was excellent, right? And His provision is always excellent. And He brought out the good wine, not the watered-down stuff. "This beginning of signs, Jesus did in Cana of Galilee and manifested" — or displayed, or showed — "His glory, and His disciples believed in Him," or believed into Him, as it says in the Greek. Hebrews 13:4. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." See how God protects marriage, and He warns against desecrating marriage, right? Marriage is meant to be a good thing, but it's not meant to be perverted. It's not meant to be treated lightly or casually. Flip back over on the front.

The application for number two: why should Christians have the highest — highest is the blank — the highest view of marriage?

It honors God, and in honoring God, it honors Christ's love for us, right? Of all people, the church should know the value of marriage, because corporately, we are His bride, right? The church is pictured as His bride, and we know that Christ died for us. He laid down His life for us. We should have the highest view of marriage, because it prefigures what Christ did for us, right? And in our marriages, for those of us whom God has gifted with marriage, you are to use your marriage to bring glory to Christ, right? Husbands are to lay down your life, as Christ did, right, for the bride. Wives to obey your husbands and to submit to your husbands. Again, we see this mutual love and honor between the two spouses.

Point number three, marriage was given to prefigure Christ's union — union is the first blank — with the church.

Marriage illustrates the steadfast love that forever joins the church to Christ. In fact, I look down there at Ephesians 5:31-32. Paul writes, "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

Christ left glory. He took on human flesh in the incarnation, humbled Himself, died on the cross to unite us to Him, to unite the church to Him, right? And what He has united, let no man put asunder, right? What did Jesus say? "All those who come to Me, My Father will in no wise cast out. You can't take them from God's hand, you can't take them from My hand," right? That marriage bond between God and His church is indissoluble. It can't be dissolved, it's indestructible. It's forever.

The church is perfectly loved by Christ, who gave Himself for us. He is the perfect groom. We fail, and we constantly fail. Why do you fail too, right? We all fail in modeling a perfect husband and a perfect wife. Christ never did, right? Christ is the perfect groom.

In union with Christ, the church is legally — legally is the second blank — one with Christ. When we get married, we have a marriage certificate, right? That's recognized by the state of Florida. And you can say, "Well, why do I need that?" Well, mainly you need it because it helps with legal issues, right? If a husband were to die and they were not married, if it was just your girlfriend, would she have access to his bank accounts? Would she have access to his property? No.

But by having that legal document, it's saying that what the husband has is shared in mutuality with his wife. This is community property — basically, these are marital assets, right? It's shared. And the church, being united to Christ, we receive Christ's legal standing. When Christ came and lived His life as a man, He lived a perfectly obedient life. He fulfilled all righteousness and He never disobeyed. So negatively, He never broke God's law, and positively He obeyed everything that God had commanded, right? So when we are united to Christ through faith, the church receives the legal standing and status of Christ. And that means that His righteousness is accredited to us, just as if we had never sinned and just as if we had perfectly obeyed. We're justified through faith in Christ Jesus, right?

And it's not just our legal standing, but it's everything that that would entail. Think also about a husband and a wife. When you get married, the wife normally takes the husband's last name, right? Are we not named after Christ? And do we not now share in calling upon God as Father? Because Christ is His Son, and are we not heirs of the inheritance of God through Jesus Christ? Because we are legally one with Him. That's part of marriage — there's a legal change that takes place when you get married. This means that we share in His name, His blessings, His inheritance, and His relationship to the Father.

In union with Christ, the church is organically — organically is the third blank — one with Christ. We're not only legally one with Christ, but we're also organically one with Christ. What we mean by organic is that an organism is one whole comprised of many individual parts that function reciprocally, right? We've talked about this before when we talked about union with Christ. If you think about a puppy dog, a puppy dog is one organism, right? But that puppy dog's got lots of parts. He's got ears, he has a nose, he has a tail, he has legs, right? They all function. So when you say, "Here, Spot," he comes running, he's wagging his tail — the whole of him comes along. All those parts are functioning together, functioning reciprocally. And is that what marriage is? Two separate lives, two separate individuals — a man and a woman — they come together to live as one, right? So now it's no longer just about the husband's needs, right? Because the husband has to consider his wife's needs and has to be willing to lay down his life, to lead her, to help her, to strengthen her, to be her provider, her protector, to lead her in the ways of righteousness. Likewise, the wife is no longer free just to think about herself like she was when she was single. Now her desire is toward her head, toward her husband, right? How can I please him? How can I serve him? How can I help him? And together, this intertwined life, this organically combined life, is to serve our Lord Jesus Christ, right? They act as one to bring God glory. That's what we mean by our union with Christ being an organic union, because the church's life is intertwined with the life of Christ.

Christ lives — the book of Hebrews says — as the ascended Savior of the world, who sits at the right hand of God. He lives to make intercession for His church. Have you ever thought about that? Christ lives to pray for you.

He lives to intercede for you. He, at the right hand of God, is able to pour out blessings upon His church. That's why the Bible says we're blessed with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. He gives His life — He's given His life to the church, everything of Himself. He richly pours on us through His Holy Spirit, right? Empowering us for service. So we're organically one with Christ. The church, as His bride, its life is intertwined with Christ. And reciprocally, what does the church do? The church lives for Christ, for her Head, right? What do we want to do? We want to raise kids so our kids can have faith, and the kids can walk with God, and then they can raise kids, right? We want to be a witness in the world so that the glory of Christ may be spread and may be known, right? That every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. When we say, "What do we want to do?" — we want to enjoy God and glorify Him, right? That's what the bride does. So this organically intertwined relationship between the husband and the wife is predicated by the relationship between Christ and His people, Christ and the church.

In union with Christ, the church is organically one with Christ as belonging to Him, living for Him, and receiving from Him. We belong to Him. We're His and His exclusively, right? We live for Him and we receive from Him. This means that Christ is completely devoted to us in perfect love, communication, provision, protection, and constant presence. Those are things we strive to be as husbands, right? We want to communicate, give ourselves to our wife. We want to protect her. We want to be present. We want to provide for her. And what Christ perfectly does for His church — how does He communicate Himself to us? Through His Word and through His Spirit, right? How does He give Himself to us? By His Spirit and pouring out all this fruit upon us.

The church reciprocally belongs to Christ, desiring no other Lord. The church is one with Christ. In mutual indwelling, the church lives in Christ to love, please, honor, and glorify Him. Just as it is said that Christ is in you, the hope of glory, the church is said to be in Christ. That's mutual indwelling.

We're joined to Christ, that we might bear fruit. Look over at Romans 7:4 here on your sheet. "Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ." Because of what Christ did on the cross, we're dead to the law, we're no longer enslaved by the law. It says, listen, "that you may be married to another." God didn't get a new bride. He actually changed us from being under the law to being under Christ, right? And so we are married to Christ. The church corporately is married to Christ. "To Him who is raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God."

The purpose of our union with Christ is to receive His life, to receive His blessing, that we can bear fruit to Him, that we can bring Him glory. We are created for His glory.

To become one flesh and to be joined illustrates to us the profound intimacy — intimacy is the fourth blank — between Christ and His church.

You will never be closer in your union with Christ than you are right now. Now, you may be closer in your apprehension of your union with Christ, closer in your understanding of all His perfections and all that He has done and His love for you. We're going to grow throughout all eternity just being bedazzled in wonderment at the riches of Christ Jesus, right? And one day our faith is going to be sight and our hearts are going to be lifted up even more, but you're never going to be closer bound to Christ than you are right now. Because His Spirit dwells in you and you are sealed by His Spirit. You can't get closer than being one Spirit with the Lord. It says here, 1 Corinthians 6:17, "But he who is joined to the Lord is one Spirit with Him." What "joined" means in the Greek is "concreted."

You've all seen maybe a mobster movie where they give the guy concrete boots and drop him off the bridge, right? And there's no escaping that. Well, there is no escaping our union with Christ. Praise God, right? That's something that you don't ever want to escape from.

Flip over on the back. Ephesians 5:22-32. "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything." You see how Paul is taking this union language between Christ and the church and applying it to marriage, right? That's the model for us. Likewise, verse 25: "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself as a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, for he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, and of His flesh, and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." He's quoting from the Old Testament. "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Again, it's just interconnecting between the husband and wife that lives to the glory of Christ.

In the many years I've been blessed to be in churches and be in ministry, I've had the privilege of counseling and talking with many couples in a ministerial context. And sometimes you'll see a couple that on paper just shouldn't be. It makes no sense. He's an outdoor guy, she's an indoor girl. She likes to read poetry and watch English dramas, and he likes to watch UFC. She grazes on green stuff, and he likes to go to the fair and eat everything fried. But you know what makes those couples compatible? It isn't their similarities or dissimilarities. Their marriage can be successful if they are seeking to glorify Christ, if they are seeking to image Christ to the world and to their children by having a relationship that shows the love of Christ for His church, and the church reciprocating that love back to Christ.

The application for number three: do you think of Christ as living for us? That's Hebrews 7:25, that Christ lives to make intercession for you. Have you thought about that? That Christ lives at the right hand of God Almighty for you. What does Ephesians 1 say? That He was exalted to the right hand of God for the benefit of the church, right? Christ lives for us. That's amazing. It's not that He just saved us because we were some miscreants and, okay, I did my part and got those guys out of hell and now I'm on to bigger and better things. No, He lives for His bride.

Point number four. Yes, for number three, union is the first blank, legally is the second blank, organically is the third blank — union is the first blank, legally is the second blank, organically is the third blank — the fourth blank is giving, and the fifth blank is intimacy.

I forgot to read: Christ holds nothing back in giving Himself to us through His indwelling Spirit. Praise God He doesn't hold anything back. Sometimes in marriage we do that, right? It's wrong and it's sinful, but like, well, I'm not going to give him my best, or I'm not going to give her my best because, you know, I've had a rough day. Christ always gave Himself for His church.

Point number four, marriage was given so that man and woman would experience mutual — mutual is the blank — mutual completion. We find that in Genesis 2:23, and we'll read that here in a second. Mutual completion. I never saw the romance movie, but there's a famous romance movie from a few years back. "You complete me" was the line, right? And all the girls gushed over that. I remember that being a cultural kind of a thing. Well, truly marriage was supposed to be for the completion of Adam and Eve.

Look in Genesis 2:23-24. But Adam said — here's his only words spoken before the fall. This is his poem, his love song as Christ presented Eve to him. "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." He's so excited: this is bone of my bone. This is mine. She's from me and she is me, right?

That's mutual completion. Without Eve, he would not have been complete. God had designed him for Eve and Eve for him. God created man and woman to be uniquely compatible and complementary for each other. Man and woman are perfectly fit for one another because they are both created in God's very image. Flip over on the back. Let's look at Genesis 1:26-28. "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in His own image. In the image of God He created him, male and female He created them." In other words, speaking of mankind, male and female equally image God. "Then God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

Men and women are perfectly fit for one another because they are both created in God's image. Man and woman are uniquely complementary, as only in union — union is the second blank — can they obey God's command to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. It's only together that they can fulfill and obey the creation mandate to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it.

Women, you can't get pregnant on your own. Men, you can't have a baby without your wife. That's the way God designed it to be. So the man and woman mutually complete one another to be able to fulfill obedience to God. To be a true image bearer of God includes having dominion and being fruitful and multiplying.

Men and women are uniquely complementary in that God created Eve from Adam's rib — rib is the third blank. First blank is mutual, second blank is union, third blank is rib. They're uniquely complementary in that God created Eve from Adam's rib. Woman is thus destined to be nearest to the heart of man for love and care and protection. Enjoy this recognition that the woman was created from man's own body and presented to man by God. That's what Adam says: "This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh," right? It's his, and he has a responsibility for her, right? To care for her, to love her, to protect her, to provide for her.

Adam named her "woman" because she both came from and remains — remains is the fourth blank — part of man. Their lives are intertwined.

Marriage is a one-flesh — this is the fifth blank — a one-flesh union between one man and one woman, since that is what God ordained in creation.

Today marriage has tried to be perverted, and most states recognize homosexual unions. Homosexual unions do not bear the image of God. They do not procreate, right? They do not have God's blessing, because God created man and woman as distinct and separate to equally image God. And in a homosexual union or a homosexual marriage, there is no full reflection of God.

Look at Genesis 2:23-24. "And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

That one flesh — that marriage act — is part and parcel of the marriage institution, right? It's another figurative image of what man and woman becoming one, their lives being intertwined.

Flip over on the back. I want to read to you the first part of Genesis 2:18-20. The reason why the birds, the cattle, the beast — they weren't created in the image of God. Only mankind is. So God created Eve from Adam, right? In His very image.

Flip back over on the front. The application for number four: have you meditated, have you meditated, on how wonderfully — wonderfully is the blank — how wonderfully we are made? That God would deem us worthy to put His imprint, His image on us, right? Awesome. That we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are made to bring Him glory and reflect His greatness.

Five, marriage was given so that man and woman could picture — picture is the first blank for number five — and proclaim Christ's union with the church. That is what marriage is for. It is for us to picture and proclaim Christ's union with the church. The husband is to love — love is the second blank — his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. So first of all in marriage has to be the husband loving his wife sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.

The first responsibility is the husband. The husband is to set his wife apart for purity — purity is the third blank — in Christ through God's Word and love her as his own body, right? Just as Christ loved us and washed us and sanctified us by the Word, we are to do the same with our wives. Then we have a responsibility to be the leaders in our home spiritually. That means praying with our wives, children if the Lord has given you children. That means reading the Word. That can be formally when you are at the dinner table. That can be as you are driving, talking about the things of God. That can be praying for your children together. If God has given you children, or praying for your church together. It's to spiritually lead her so she can be pure and she can be a perfect reflection of Jesus Christ.

A husband must love his wife and not be harsh with her. We have that in Colossians 3:19. In fact, flip over on the back. Colossians 3:18-19. "Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." The word bitter means harsh. Look at Titus 2:4-5. Speaking of the older ladies teaching the younger ladies, "that they may admonish young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, to be chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."

Again, what is marriage supposed to do? It's supposed to picture and proclaim Jesus Christ. So when the man fails to love his wife and when he fails to lead her and wash her in the Word, when he fails to be gentle with her, the word of God is blasphemed. Same with the wife. When she fails to show submission and honor to the husband, the same thing. Flip back over on the front.

Husbands are to dwell with their wives in understanding, honor, and equality, recognizing her as God's gracious gift — gift is the fourth blank for number five.

1 Peter 3:7. Look at that on the bottom. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, patience, wisdom, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered." We are to walk toward our wife in understanding, in patience. We are to walk toward our wife in equality, knowing that we're both made in the image of God and that through her and in marriage we partake of God's grace. It is a part of God's good grace. Marriage is a gift to mankind. It does not mean inferior, but men and women, though equal before God, have different roles and different constitutions.

Men physically, on average, are stronger than women, so in that way you could say a weaker vessel. There is also an emotional and spiritual element to it where God, for a reason, has put man in authority over the wife. A lot of churches don't like to talk about that. That's not politically correct.

That's why a husband is to deal with his wife patiently and longsuffering and gently. Just as the Bible says God gently leads those with young, and the Bible talks about Christ as, "How I want to gather you under my wings" — that's what the husband is supposed to do for his wife.

It does not mean she's intellectually inferior. It does not mean she's physically inferior. It means she was designed differently. Thank God our wives are designed differently, because only our wives have that tender compassion that us men don't. Our kids would be up a creek if it wasn't for our wives, right? Amen.

But we are not to forget that. We have that responsibility as men to gently lead our wives, to be patient with them, not to be exasperated by them, not to be bitter toward them or resent the wife of our youth.

Husbands are to dwell with their wives in understanding, honor, and equality, recognizing her as God's gracious gift.

The wife is to lovingly submit — submit, this is one, two, three, four, the fifth blank — submit to her husband as to the Lord. Just as the church submits to the Lord and we want to please the Lord, so we try to walk in His statutes, not because we have to or we won't be saved, but because we get to, because He has saved us, because we love Him, right? So the wife walks to try to please her husband, right? And again in churches today, people don't like to talk about submission, right? They say that's old-fashioned. It's a biblical word, right? We are all to submit to Christ. In a very real way, the husband and wife submit to each other, in the sense that the man has to slow down, he has to live his life gently and wisely and circumspectly in regard to his wife and his kids and not just be a full-force bull all the time, right? He's domesticated by his wife in a very real sense, right?

And likewise, the wife has to submit to the husband, right? To follow his leadership, to let him have room to lead her in the Word of God and to lead her in prayer, right? Oftentimes our wives know more about the Bible than we do, right? Oftentimes our wives have a closer prayer walk than we do, but that's part of submission — to say, "Okay, I'm going to let my husband do this because this is what God has." It's ordained.

She is to be subject to her husband in everything, just as the church is subject to Christ. That's quoted directly from Ephesians. If you don't like that, pick it up with Paul. Take it up with the Lord.

The wife's obedience pictures God's grace that can powerfully — powerfully is the sixth blank — powerfully affect the heart of her husband. In 1 Peter 3, it talks about the unbelieving husband — if he's willing to stay, that the wife should stay. She never knows. She may be able to change the heart of her husband.

We often talk in modern circles, especially in regards to feminism, about the power dynamic and the patriarchy. Women need to rise up and take power in their marriage and this and that and the other. You want to take power in your marriage? Graciously submit. When you do so, you can change a man's heart. You can show him the grace of God that he doesn't deserve sometimes, right? But that is transformative, right? And that can change the man and help lead him to be the man that God has called him to be.

1 Peter 3:7. "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

Because our relationship with our spouse is supposed to point to and picture the church's relationship with Christ, if we don't tend to that, our prayers can be hindered. If you're not being obedient as a husband to honor your wife, to gently lead her, to pray for her, to lead her, God will not hear your prayers.

Ladies, if you've bought into that line of feminism that's so popular in culture and you are working against your husband, pitting him against yourself in regard to the kids or in anything in life, and you're not working together to glorify Christ, then God's not going to hear your prayers, right?

I've been teaching on this in the past. I've had people afterwards come up to me and say, "I've never before heard it taught in a church that a man and a woman's life should be intertwined and talking about how we're organically one." And that is a pox on the church for not explaining that, right? Because the church must teach these roles. They may be countercultural and they may not be popular in this world, but that's what God has ordained. And when both spouses do this, Christ is glorified and the gospel is preached, right?

Application for number five: is it difficult — difficult is the blank — is it difficult to lay down your life for your spouse? Yes.

When David Calhoun, my son-in-law, asked for my daughter Megan's hand in marriage, I sat him down. I said, "Well, let me tell you something." We read Ephesians 5, and he said, "Marriage for the man? It's crucifixion."

I said, "I'm not going to varnish it." What it means is that you have to be willing to lay down your life for your wife and do it daily, right? That means you have to put her needs above yours. Are you willing to do that? He said, "Yes." Well, he's a keeper, and he's been a good husband and now a good father to my grandchildren.

Point number six, marriage is a lifelong covenant bond established by oath and consummation.

God hates — hates is the first blank — God hates divorce. We get that from Malachi 2:16. God hates divorce as it dissolves this bond.

Now, we'll get here in a minute. There are reasons where divorce is permitted, right? But we live in an age in America and in this world where people have what they call no-fault divorce, right? I get the seven-year itch, and I'm going to trade her in for a new model, right? I'm going to have a midlife crisis, I'm going to find myself. The kids are out of the house, so the wife says, "You know what? I'm going to go explore and get on the dating scene. I haven't had enough of this guy."

I remember a few years ago seeing an interview with a news personality that used to be on Fox News. Her name was Megyn Kelly, and she says this publicly, and she's proud of it. She said that her husband was a dentist or orthodontist, and she went through law school and got her law degree and started her law career. She looked over at him and said, "He's a nice guy, but I just don't want to be married to a dentist." She divorced him because he didn't have the status or didn't have the pizzazz that she was looking for.

And I don't say it to condemn her. I'm just using that as a public example from her own lips. That's how people treat marriage. What's in it for me? What do I get out of it? The minute that it no longer suits me — the minute that my husband loses his hair and he doesn't have his youthful good looks anymore, I'm going to ditch him. The minute that he loses his job, we're going to part ways because he's no longer in the money anymore. Or whatever. No. Not at all. Marriage is a lifelong covenant bond established by oath and consummation. God hates divorce as it dissolves this bond. Marital infidelity breaks this covenant.

In such cases, divorce is permitted — permitted is the second blank. But reconciliation is possible — possible is the third blank. When you find that in Matthew 19, Jesus gives the — at the porneia, it's Greek for "except in the case of sexual immorality." People were coming to Him and saying, "Hey, can we just get divorced whenever we want to?"

There was a practice back then. You could publicly say, "I divorce you. I divorce you. I divorce you." Three times in public, and you got rid of the lady, right? And you didn't have financial obligation toward her. She's out in the street. How terrible that is. Jesus said, "Well, Moses permitted you to have divorce, but from the beginning that was not so," right? It's because of your wickedness, your rebellion. This was originally meant to be one woman and one man forever, right? And so He gives one exception for sexual immorality, because that breaks the marital bond. Now, that doesn't necessitate that you have to get a divorce. Reconciliation is always the best option. And reconciliation can be a beautiful testimony of forgiveness and grace, you know, if the person's repentant, right? Oftentimes they're not, you know. But that is — speaking of, this isn't in your notes — that is a great reason for being an active member at a church that is Bible-believing and that has a plurality of elders, right? Because what happens, people split up and they leave the church, and there's no accountability, there's no desire to try to reconcile, to save that marriage and their kids. They just quit going, right? Or a person will say, "Well, my husband was abusive to me," because he stayed out late one night — that was their definition of abuse, right? Or, "He was unfaithful to me because he didn't take me out last Friday." So in their mind he's unfaithful, and so they'll get a divorce, right? But when you have a church, you can say, "Hey, we're going to exercise spiritual discipline here. You don't have grounds for divorce," right?

That's what the accountability of being part of a local church provides, right? And it helps protect the wife as well, or the husband, the innocent party in such cases, saying, "Yes, we stand by her. Her husband was a terrible man, and she was innocent, and she should be permitted to be remarried, and she should be permitted to be in full favor, right? And she did nothing wrong." That's the benefit of being in a local body who knows you, loves you, supports you.

God hates divorce as it dissolves this bond. Marital infidelity breaks the covenant. In such cases, divorce is permitted, but reconciliation is preferable. Likewise, abandonment or physical abuse is fundamentally opposed to the nature of marriage and is recognized as cause for divorce by most churches. Not all churches and not all individuals — well, you should get separated but not divorced in such cases. When it comes to protecting a woman from abuse, watch how liberal I can get.

That fundamentally, if a man is beating on a woman, that fundamentally goes against the very nature of marriage. She is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. He is not a Christian if he's doing that. So therefore, he has abandoned her. That's abandonment by an unbeliever. You call the cops, get him arrested, you get a divorce, right? You protect the wife physically from a monster. That must be done. You don't say, "Oh, well, we'll pray and hopefully he won't hit you again." No, you get her out of there and you get her protected and separated from that.

Illegitimate divorce is forgivable, like any sin that is repented of and confessed. It's very, very important, because some churches, particularly fundamental Baptist type churches, will ostracize the divorced.

They will say, "Well, you're like a second-class Christian. Let's put the scarlet A on you. You sit in the back row and you're less than others." We all make mistakes, right? There are many people, good, godly people who earlier in their life got out of a marriage that they should have persevered in and they should have stopped — they didn't have legitimate grounds for divorce, right? But it's like any sin — if you confess and you repent, God forgives you, right? You shouldn't be underneath that burden and underneath the judgment of people as if you're less than deserving. You're under the grace of God. Families who have experienced the trauma — trauma is the fourth blank — the trauma of divorce are to be loved and deeply cared for by the church.

Now, I use the word trauma because when you have a bond, two souls concreted together, their lives intertwined, and they have kids, and that's ripped apart — don't think that that's going to be without consequences. That hurts. It hurts your children. Studies show that academically, psychologically, it's affected. "No, no, I get two Christmases and two birthdays." No. They need a mom and a dad, right? And that instability hurts children. It hurts the wife. It hurts the spouse, right? And so churches are to minister to those families, right? We're to be cognizant of the trauma they've gone through and we're to minister. To minister means to serve, and whatever that may look like. Sometimes it may mean that we babysit for a single mom, right? So she can go to work. It might be that we bring a meal to a single dad who's caring for his kids, right? Whatever ministry, however we can serve them, we do so. They need to be deeply cared for by the church.

Matthew 19:6 says, "Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate." We should work for the sanctity of marriage. Flip over on the back.

I'm going to read it here in Matthew. Matthew 5:27-32. "You have heard that it was said of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. For it is better and more profitable that one of your members perish than that your whole body be cast into hell. Furthermore, it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."

There's a lot there in that passage, but He begins with talking about purity and marriage. Protect your hearts. Protect your marriage. You don't have time to get into it, but Paul in his letter to the Corinthians talks about marriage between a husband and wife, that they should not withhold themselves from one another. It also says in other parts of Scripture that a woman should be chaste and modest in her dress, and men should treat older women as their mothers and younger women as their sisters, in all purity.

I'll never forget when I was a boy — I was a teenager, actually. I was 15. We had a pastor that we knew and loved. He had been supported by our church. He was a foreign missionary with the Southern Baptist Foreign Mission Board, and he would also often come stateside and he would come to our church when he was stateside. And sometimes he would travel and he would raise funds to support his ministry in the British West Indies. Oftentimes he would travel alone because of that. His wife would be home because it was long traveling in the car and staying in cheap hotels and whatnot. And he sat me down and told me, "Always protect your heart." And at this time he was 80, 81, you know? And he says, "I know" — he says — "I may have snow on the rooftop, but I got fire in the stove," as he hit his chest. You know what I'm getting at? You always need to protect your purity at all times. Think of how many men in the ministry that you've seen in the last few minutes of the fourth quarter fumble the ball and make shipwreck of their ministry. Men who should know better. Men in their 70s and 80s who preached the Word, right? Because they let their guard down. So protect your heart, right? When you protect your heart, you protect your marriage.

And then Matthew 19:1-12. "Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?' And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them in the beginning made them male and female, and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.' They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away?'"

Well, He didn't command that, right? He permitted. So Jesus answers in verse 8: "He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it was not so.'" His letter of writ of divorcement was for protection of the wife, actually. So she would have property rights and provision, right? "'And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. And whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.' And His disciples said to Him, 'If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.'"

Sounds exactly like what the manosphere is saying today. Again, by the manosphere I mean these YouTube influencers who are influencing disgruntled young men who haven't been able to find a good godly wife because they haven't been going to church and haven't been looking in the right places. They're saying, "Don't get married. It's better not to get married. She's just going to bleed you dry and then leave you penniless."

"But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given.'" Marriage is a gift, right? "And there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it." So some people — basically marriage is for them. Some people, it's not, right? And it's just that if you're not going to commit to it, don't get married. It's better that you're a eunuch. It's essentially what Jesus is saying, that if you treat marriage casually and not as a covenant commitment for the rest of your life — but back over on the front.

Application for number six: how can the church minister — minister means serve — how can the church minister or serve broken marriages? How can we minister to people who are struggling with marriages, or have marriages that are shipwrecked, that are broken?

Serve them. We can serve them by loving them, coming around them. A lot of times what happens when a couple in a church goes through divorce, or a couple in your neighborhood goes through divorce, they end up losing all their friends, right? It's like, I'm not sure if I should call him or if I should call her. I don't know the situation. But when you're a church body and there's someone you know that is going through that, you go there and you love them, right? And you can serve them by also speaking the truth to them. You know, hey, can you reconcile? Is it beyond that? Let's try to make things right, if possible. It's not easy to put yourself in such situations to serve in those environments, but it is godly to do so. It is healing to do so. And that's what the church must be about.

Point number seven, the church must promote the marriage of believers — believers is the first blank. 1 Corinthians 7:39, you know what that verse says? It talks about the widows — if they're younger, they should remarry, but only what? Only in the Lord, right?

The church should promote marriage, but only in the Lord, right? We don't want our children to be marrying unbelievers. That was the fall of Israel, was it not? They often intermarried, and when they did, they brought foreign gods into their life. And then their children were being raised by women who served foreign gods, and the children began to serve foreign gods. And all of a sudden, they were no longer serving Yahweh, right? We want to be equally yoked in our faith and in our lives. So number seven, the church must promote the marriage of believers with the intent on founding Christlike families. We're going to be talking about families next week, but this kind of is a segue into that.

Simultaneously, the church must encourage singles — singles is the second blank — and widows — widows is the third blank — to serve the Lord, knowing that together we are one family — family is the fourth blank — in Christ. First blank is believers, second blank is singles, third blank is widows, fourth blank is family. Sometimes churches emphasize family and marriage so much that they forget that not everybody is called to that, right?

They forget that some were called to that, and they've lost their spouse, right? What does James say? That true religion is ministering to the widow and to the orphan, right? What does God say, that He sets the solitary in families?

And regardless of your marital status, whether you're single, married, divorced, widowed, we are all part of a family here at Beulah, right? We're each other's brothers. We're each other's sisters. We are one in Christ Jesus. We are there for each other. And that fellowship that we have is sweet. And sometimes it's better and stronger than what you would have in a family, right? I love my brother. I've mentioned this before. He lives in Texas. And when he comes here, I try to see him sometimes. But I talk to you all more and share with you all more and love you all in a more practical manner than I do my brother, because he's in Texas, right? And it makes a difference. Proximity makes a difference. Our hearts are knitted together as we serve the Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 12:5 says, "So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another." This is as a husband and wife are bone of the bone and flesh of the flesh. We, being one body, are connected, right? We're connected by the Spirit of Christ who dwells in each one of us if we are in Him.

Application for number seven: how can the church minister to unmarried members? Encourage among the young that they get married, right? We want to encourage our youth to flush out what culture is telling them and be countercultural. Get married. Find a godly woman, get married, start a family, right? Image and proclaim Christ in your marriage.

We also can minister to individuals that are not married in our churches through simply loving them. When you have a get-together, invite them over. It's like, "Oh, well, they don't have a spouse, so I don't want them to feel like a third wheel." No, invite them to lunch with you on Sunday. Have them come on, right? Because we are a community, right? We are brothers and sisters with one another. Another thing — we have faithful deacons here in our church. Every family has a deacon. The widows in our church have a deacon. It is good to be able to look after the widow, because God has a special heart for the widow and for the fatherless, right? The church must never forget that, because again, that's the heart of true religion, according to James, right?

So that's marriage in the church. That's the most important thing that we can grasp from this, is that marriage pictures and proclaims Christ.