Biblical Fatherhood

Take your Bibles, if you would please, and turn to Ephesians chapter 6, and verse 4 is the text for today. Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. If you have your bulletin, you can flip over on the back as well and take notes if you like. We give our children rewards for those who take notes, and I am so thankful that we do family worship services so that we can train up our children in the admonition of the Lord, and that is going to be the main subject for today.

But as we get started, perhaps last Friday you were dwelling upon the crucifixion — rightfully so on Good Friday — and read some Scripture with your home in that regard, perhaps went to a Good Friday service. Traditionally, we celebrate the resurrection today on Easter Sunday. Christ came to seek and to save that which was lost. Luke 19:10 says this. He lived a perfect life, and He preached perfect sermons. He was wrongfully accused and wrongfully tried and condemned and wrongfully crucified, and He died. But God rightfully raised Him from the dead, and He rightfully fulfilled everything that was prophesied. He rightfully fulfilled the demands that we should have suffered in regards to our personal sin.

Those who were saved have truly escaped what the Bible would say is God's wrath. And many times we don't hear of hell and God's wrath, but that is exactly what was endured on the cross.

And so when the gospel is proclaimed, the mind adheres. It understands, it perceives, according to God's grace, what the true gospel is in regards to the death and the burial and the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. And God is the one who reaches down and transforms and redeems the heart, and as a result of redemption, the mouth confesses that Christ is Lord and they live for Him. And so in regards to true salvation, we proclaim the gospel. And according to Romans chapter 10, verse 9, when you believe that God raised Him from the dead, you can be saved. Do you believe in the death and the burial and the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ on your behalf?

And so in regards to the gospel — God sending His Son as a substitutionary death for you on the cross, for the sin that you deserve, a substitutionary death, a death that you could not have really done effectively — I mean, you can die on the cross, but you can't pay for your sins. You can't undo everything that you have done, past, present, and future. Only the divine being, the Lord Jesus Christ, can do that. And so, us being unworthy of salvation, having perhaps received salvation and knowing the true gospel, I ask you in regards to today's text, what is your responsibility?

Obviously, we come to church and we worship, right? We worship God for what He has done and who He is. Not only do we worship as an ordinary means of grace, but we also learn His Word, and that is loving God. Learning His Word is an act of love. And so not only do we worship, and not only do we learn His Word, but we have fellowship with one another, and that pleases the Father and it strengthens the brotherhood and the sisterhood. It strengthens the local church, it strengthens you, it helps you get through, and it provides a deep sense of joy that nothing else in this world can substitute for.

But then we also have corporate prayer. Did you know that that is a necessity? Corporate prayer. We're not only not supposed to forsake the assembling of ourselves for all of these ordinary means of grace, but in regards to praying together, that is an essential element of your worship to God. Corporate prayer, not just private prayer. And then as well, having been bought by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, when you are saved and sealed by the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit gives you a gift. That gift doesn't belong to you — it comes from the Father — and the effective means by which you have the ability to accomplish, the ability to be effective and do something that is energized by the Holy Spirit in a supernatural way, in a way that energizes you and gives you joy that perhaps sets you a step beyond others around you, that gives you the ability to do something with joy — and your effect — you're energized, you're overjoyed to be able to do this. Whatever the gift is that God has given you doesn't belong to you; it belongs to the local church. And it's to be exercised in the local church. It's something that belongs to everybody for their mutual benefit. And so perhaps the gift of teaching — it can't be exercised in private, right? And the gift of really, truly being able to encourage someone or have mercy on someone. Grace. All of these things belong to the local church, and so our ordinary means of grace happen here at the local church.

But beyond Sundays, the Lord's Day, and beyond when we meet together to study the Bible and theology on Wednesday nights, what's your responsibility? Well, in regards to our text today in Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4, specifically, it is the role of the Father, and the first — the starting point — for the Father in being obedient to the Great Commission to make disciples starts in the home. So let's read Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4 together. And this is in context speaking to fathers. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

If you're taking notes, today's title to this message is "Biblical Fatherhood." Biblical fatherhood is the title, and the subject in a sentence would be this: "Fathers are to winsomely reach and lead and train their children up in Christ." Those words are selected intentionally. So fathers are to winsomely — this is an upward, towards Christ, a wonderful thing — winsomely reach, lead, and train their children up in Christ.

So fathers, according to 1 Peter chapter 2, verse 5, are the priests of their own home. And so our homes should be little churches. And when our homes are led by the Father teaching the Word and also leading in worship and also in prayer, it is not anything strange when the family comes to church on Sunday and they worship corporately, because this is what they're accustomed to and it's led by the Father. And so fathers are the priests of their own home, and homes are many churches, and fathers are to give Christ to their children in every way. And so they distribute the mercy of God, the love of God. They are examples of how to be a Christian, and they teach Christ. They pray to Christ. So every way, you give your family Christ. And so the subject at hand here is fathers educating their children in regards to the Bible and Christ, and in every way. There are some specifics here in the verse that we will drill down on, and by no means will we have an exhaustive message today in all of what the Bible has to say about fathers. But we will dive into these key elements.

I would like you to know upfront, fathers, there is no way that you can fulfill these obligations without verse 18 — having been filled by the Holy Spirit. This is truly an impossibility for you to accomplish. It really does take you being led of the Lord and filled with the Lord to be able to accomplish what chapter 6, verse 4 says. Believe it — you cannot do it in the flesh. If you do these things in the flesh, if you try to instruct your children in the flesh, if you try to discipline them in the flesh, you will be working against yourself and you'll be ruining your child. It's called provoking them to anger and exasperating them.

And so first of all, your number one priority is your relationship with Christ. You must be walking with Christ. You must be in Christ. You must be filled with the Holy Spirit. How do you do that? Well, as a result of being dedicated to continuing in God's Word, studying the Word, having a consumption and diet of God's Word, regularly worshiping and praying and participating in the ordinary means of grace that we just talked about — that are from Acts chapter 2 in the early church: worship, the Word of God, prayer, fellowship, giving and such, and ordinances. Listen, this is the ordinary means of grace, and God accomplishes extraordinary ends by His ordinary means. He doesn't expect you to do extraordinary things. He expects you to be like the twelve disciples — just an ordinary, faithful man who is going to make mistakes — and God has mercy and grace and enough power and ability to make up the difference.

And so in chapter 6, verse 4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." I want to mention some traps before we get started, before we get going too fast. There are some traps that, fathers, you need to avoid in regards to your biblical fatherhood.

You don't want to be given to overcorrecting and fault-finding. Every time there's something wrong, you can't be pointing your finger at it, or micromanaging, or always disciplining and hardly ever encouraging. You should not as well be always encouraging and never disciplining. The pendulum should not swing too far in the other direction. You cannot demand respect while being unrespectable as well. Hypocrisy is one of the largest elements that will ruin your child's heart towards God.

Also, you can't be one who is never satisfied with their performance. They give it their best, and you can't be pointing out the flaws, being one who projects the fact that you are never satisfied — "you could have done better." That'll exhaust them. You can't be prodding and poking and nagging constantly. We have to really be on display authentically as ones who confess their faults as we mess up to our families. Seriously, you have to confess. If you confess, they'll confess. And you have to apologize where you're wrong so that they also will apologize where they're wrong. You're setting the example, Father. And then as well, you must be one who is not given to hypocrisy, because if you are, they will see the smallest areas of hypocrisy and hold that against you and God. But if you are transparent and you confess and you talk about these things, you actually give your wife and child the liberty to be able to talk to you transparently and respectfully about your shortcomings, and you can agree with them: "Yes, I agree with you. I need to grow in those areas. We need to grow in those areas in Christ."

I have a particular phrase that I want to start with. I want you to notice in Ephesians 6:4 the phrase "of the Lord." Look in your Bibles at Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." And so the word "of" means belonging, okay? And the word "Lord" means master. And so this phrase is very specific. It is deliberate and exclusive, and it actually leads to being culturally assaulting. It will refute the positive cultural pushes of the day when it comes to being "of the Lord." And so we're of Christ, we're of Jesus, we're not of the world. John 17:14 says we're not of this world. And then we know that Jesus is Lord, and that's an exclusive claim. And some would say, "Well, 2 Corinthians 4:4 says Satan is the god of this world." The verse is saying that it is as if Satan is the god of this world. Christ is King. Christ is the Lord. That hasn't changed. He is ruling and reigning from the right hand of the Father. He's been the Creator. He's been God forever. Nothing has changed. He is sovereign. He's chief. He's our everything. We are of Him.

And so, fathers, this idea of being of the Lord — the Lordship of Christ — is non-negotiable. This is not up for negotiation. In fact, in Acts 2:36: "This same Jesus whom you crucified is both Lord and Savior." He's not just the Savior, which many today have as a popular false gospel — trying to give Christ as just Savior and not Lord or Master. And so you cannot cut Christ in half and project a false gospel of "just believe and be saved" and not have any intentions to repent of your sin and to acknowledge Him as Master and Lord of your life. And so our lifestyle will gradually grow in Christ's likeness, according to what the Bible says, if we are truly saved. And so, fathers, the Lordship of Christ is not negotiable.

In fact, we must subject our children to the disciplines and the instruction of the Lord. That's in the text. And so there are many things that try to displace the Lordship of the Lord Jesus Christ in our culture today — many things that try and compete for your children's hearts and minds and affections. There are many things that try to educate your child. There are many things that try to push the father out of the way and keep him busy and separate from the wife and children and allow something else to educate or disciple them. In the Bible, the terms education and discipleship are synonymous. And so whoever is educating your child is personally discipling them. And here in the text, it's the father's primary duty to personally disciple his children.

The public school systems try to educate our children. That's basically secular indoctrination. That's not of the Lord. And so if your child is there, I'm just going to say to you, you will be re-educating them as you go, because they will learn things that are anti-Christ and anti-biblical — lots of things. And so those who are in public school just know that the public school system has failed in personally discipling our children in regards to being true Christians. The numbers are obvious.

Philosophy also has failed. In this culture here in Ephesus, you would have Greeks who loved philosophy. Greece produced Socrates, Plato, Aristotle. All these philosophers had an attempt to understand life, and they may have been well-spoken, but they weren't spot on. The Stoics and Epicureans set forth virtues to try and achieve some type of utopian life — that's failed. And everything that you see out there is just a repackaging of what has already been said. It is Christ and Christ alone that works. It's truly for the formation of the heart and mind.

Not only have public schools and philosophy failed, but also I just want you to know that therapy is tricky — especially Christian therapy. Therapy is tricky because Christian counselors are sometimes more engaged in secular philosophy than they are in biblical counseling. So trying to locate a biblical counselor is the key. I recommend ACBC — the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. You need biblical counseling. You need to know what the Bible says in regards to what is godly. You need to know what the Bible says about your mind and about your heart and about your behavior. You need to know what God's Word says. Everything that you need for life and godliness is in the Word of God. The Word is sufficient — completely sufficient — for all the joy, for all the happiness, for all the discipline, for all the education, for all the emotions, for all the actions, for eternity, for the past, for the interpretation of history, for everything that you need. Your marriage, your parenting, your work — which we'll get into in the text next week, how do we work as a Christian?

Everything you need is wrapped up in the Bible. So therapy is tricky. You know that evolution has failed. Evolution seeks to create little atheists out of our children — secular scientists and geologists. They can't even read the Grand Canyon rocks correctly. They think it took millions and millions of years to create the Grand Canyon. It was a natural disaster. It happened in a short amount of time, and it's so easy to be able to see those rock layers. And so the Grand Canyon shows us that it was formed quickly, and instead, these obvious signs seem to be invisible to them, and they try to convince our children that God doesn't exist. They try to convince them of an atheistic worldview, and in the end, their hearts will be hardened toward God and the notion of Jesus as Creator and Savior is diminished. And so we need to be careful and know how to refute secular evolution. I even like how to pronounce it — "evolution."

There are more things that have failed that still creep in today. The Old Testament law has failed. That's the reason why Jesus fulfilled the law. Paul fought against the Jews wanting to keep the Mosaic law, especially in the entire book of Galatians. In Galatians chapter 3, verse 1, he says, "You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?" — like as if a spell has come over them. Have you ever tried to lead someone out of a legalistic perspective of religion? It's almost like there's a spell over them. The blindness is so thick. I'm telling you, any works system is a legalistic system which nullifies Jesus the Christ. It is a gospel issue. We cannot add works to the gospel, lest you nullify it. If works worked, then why did Jesus die on the cross? You can't add church tradition. You can't add church doctrine. You can't add anything. It's by grace alone.

And so as ones who believe in the deity of the Lord Jesus Christ, there are all kinds of things trying to come into your children's hearts and minds and pollute them. And believe me, centuries and centuries of attempts are still being made and repackaged today. Some of you may think of some leftover false doctrines that repackage themselves in today's ways of thinking. You know, the Catholic Church is one of the oldest churches around, and unfortunately, their heresies that are in print — look them up for yourself — repackage and continue to creep in and seem to linger in the Episcopal Church and seem to linger in the Seventh-day Adventist Church and seem to linger in all kinds of different denominations. I just want you to know, if you struggle with that, read the book of Galatians. Paul was a man of mercy and grace and truth. And when you read Ephesians and Philippians and Colossians, Thessalonians, when you read 1 and 2 Timothy, when you read the thirteen epistles from the Apostle Paul, you see an educated man of mercy and grace. But when you get to Galatians, you see a man who is done with patience because the Galatians reverted back to the law. And so you don't see a greeting there in Galatians like you do in the other books. You see straight to the point: "You're foolish in doing this, because you've nullified the Christ on the cross" — the very essence of what we are about. If you nullify the death and burial and resurrection of the cross, 1 Corinthians chapter 15 says your faith is ruined, it's void, it's no good.

That is how important it is. And so do not let anything like the law, repackaged in any way, steal your salvation. It's a gospel issue.

Not only that, modern-day tech is competing for your child's affections and time and even worship. Technology today can become a god, it can become lord. The solution to everything, it seems today, is what? Google it. You don't know? Ask Almighty — not God, but Almighty Google. As if these algorithms are not manipulated. If you want an echo chamber for someone to tell you what you feel, what you want to hear, then ask Google, because all it's going to do is spit back out something that you've already looked up that's going to tell you what you want to hear. Objectivity comes from the Bible. Objective truth comes from God. "Thy word is truth." We need to be saturating our minds and our hearts with more of the Bible than the internet, more of the Bible than philosophers, more of the Bible than any other type of education. We must dwell in the realm of Christ. "Christ in you is the hope of glory," and as you are thinking about Scripture, it's a result of one who has spent time in the Word of God, because you have that at the forefront of your mind.

I don't know about you, but I can't remember what I ate yesterday, what I was wearing yesterday. That's the reason why I've got to read the Bible today. Every single day I'm reading the Word of God to get it in me, so that I am worshiping and thinking and putting Christ first. "Seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness." And for some strange reason, things seem to work out that way, or work out good. Matthew 6:33: "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."

Not only is technology filled with problems, but it could also be used for good — but man, it's used for so much evil today as well. But the false god of sports — back in Ephesus — was also a problem. While not evil in itself, it can consume you and all of your heart and all of your mind, and all the stats that your mind can remember can be taken up with sports information so that you do not have the capacity and time and room for Scripture memory and such. Olympics were watched but also worshiped in ancient Greece, Ephesus, Rome, Athens, and Corinth. Man, they loved their Olympic games. This is where it originated. Watching the games, practicing the games, playing games — games was a god. And it's the same thing today. Do you know someone — hopefully not yourselves — that is completely wrapped up in sports? Sports is their god. Whether it's golf, whether it's watching football, whether it's four sports a year. Listen, fathers, how in the world could you properly disciple and train your child if they are fully engaged and wrapped up with every hour of every day — four sports, five sports, six sports a year?

No Wednesday night training in theology. Games now are on Sundays. "Gotta go to the ball fields. Sorry, preacher. Gotta play this Sunday." Really?

Folks, these types of things are old heresies, old tricks from Satan that are just simply repackaged. And so, fathers, your duty is to ensure that your child is not of this world, but of the Lord. Notice this phrase again — it ends in "of the Lord, belonging to the Master." And so if a secular education, or secular philosophy, or secular evolution, or the evil net, or the law, or some type of legalistic trend, or tech, or sports is consuming your child, father, you have a duty to dial those things back and to put Christ in His rightful place in their hearts and minds, so that He is primary.

It takes a father who is able to gauge his sons or grandsons or daughters or granddaughters' capacity, and you watch the spiritual temperature of that child to see what they are able to do. It's easy, really. It's like, "Okay, if you're right with Christ, then we can continue forward. If you're able to put Christ first in your life, and if you're able to keep your character up, your grades up, if everything is good and you're not being overrun by the world, if you're not becoming of the world, if you're not being discipled and trained by the world, then we can go. We can have a great time."

In Ephesians 6, verse 1, the word "fathers" is an actual term, a spiritual term, and an honorable term. The Greek word for fathers is a masculine noun, and the root of this word means "nourisher," "protector," and "upholder." And so if you are going to nourish your children in the faith — it means to make them healthy in Christ — then it's going to take time and intentionality to do that. We're going to talk about that in this message today.

It's also the fact that you're a protector. The means of being a provider are spoken to very clearly. Unless you provide for your family, you're worse than a non-believer. Providing monetarily isn't the only essential, but the American worldview seems to be that that's the only thing the Father is supposed to do. If He provides, then His job is done. That's not the biblical case. And so we're nourishers, we're protectors — we protect them, we warn them, we guide them, we keep them — and then we uphold them. That's an actual term of fathers spiritually.

It's also a spiritual term in 1 John chapter 2, verse 13. 1 John 2:13 speaks of a father — same Greek word — as one who has advanced in knowledge of the Father. And so you are, as a spiritual father, advanced in your knowledge and wisdom and experience with the heavenly Father. Your expertise is about God. And when you're asked a question about the attributes of God, about theology, you are one who knows that. And so we must continue in the Word, continue in Christ. We must really be dedicated to the Word of God so that we know the Father more. God self-discloses who He is through His names. You can study the names of God. God discloses who He is through all kinds of different means of theology. We study theology on Wednesday nights. Listen to me — we must be a person of the book, a man of the book. We have a Bible. We have a plan. We study the plan and stick to the plan, because there are all kinds of things competing for our allegiance.

So it's an actual term, a spiritual term, but it's also an honorable term. Luke 11:2 is where Jesus was giving the model prayer, and He starts with this honorable title, "Father." And so, "Father," He says, "hallowed be Your name." Now, the word "hallowed" in the Greek is acknowledging His holiness and His separateness. God is not one who is like us. He is Spirit. He is holy — purely holy, not sometimes holy. And so we proclaim His holiness: "Father, hallowed be Your name. You're holy. You're pure, separate from us. We worship You." And we ascribe and bestow honor upon You.

Now, as one who is honorable — God — and those of us who are honestly just deplorable, that's high theology, by the way, when you think much of God and less of you. When you get that backwards and think too much of yourself, that's pride; little of God — that's dangerous. So, fathers, our aspiration then is to be like our heavenly Father, because we think much of Him and not too much of ourselves.

God essentially is saving those souls that are repentant and believing in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ on the cross. He's saving those souls and setting them aside and making them holy, holy, holy. As you are growing in your faith, is not God convicting you of the areas that you need to continue to conform more and more and more to His Word? That's because He's holy. One of our memory verses at church is Revelation 4:8, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is full of His glory." And so we are to be children of a holy God, and He demands that we grow in our holiness and sets the bar at that particular level. In 1 Peter 1:16, the command is, "Be holy, for I am holy." So holiness is God's first attribute, and this is the Father.

Now, here's the weightiness for us as earthly fathers. Fathers, let this weightiness sit in as you realize that God shares one of His titles with you. He has called you a father. And that's something. You're a father. You have the same title as God. So, fathers, you are to be the head of your household and to be leading them in making themselves more holy, more like God, more like Christ — little Christians. And this is not your own agenda. Your agenda is subordinate to the heavenly Father, because He is everything; you're nothing. And so the goal then for us, first and primarily, as fathers — point number one — and it's taken me a long time to get to the first point, but point number one:

Be like your Father — and capitalize "Father," capitalize that "F," because you are pointing to the heavenly Father. We are talking about God. So number one, be like your Father. It's more than being a provider. It's actual time. How do children spell love? T-I-M-E.

And that's how you are going to personally disciple them, by bringing them up. Notice in your text now in Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4, the phrase "bring them up." "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up." "Up" in the Greek means to nourish to maturity. It signifies training. If you're going to bring them up — we know this from the military, we know this from sports, we know this from our occupations — if you're going to bring someone up, you're bringing them from a standpoint of ineffectiveness and ignorance to knowledge and ability. They become a producer. You bring them up.

And if you're going to bring babies up in Christ from being totally depraved and under sin's curse — bring them up into Christ — your first job is to evangelize your own family. Evangelize and disciple. The Great Commission starts for fathers first at the home. And so they're sharing the gospel with their children, the true gospel, reading the Scriptures with their children, praying with their children. This is imperative — that you are setting forth a precedent: "The Bible, God — this is first. This is everything. This is how you're going to shape your home. This is how it's going to be honored and blessed of God." Is to bring them out from underneath sin's curse, because this totally depraved nature is inherited by everybody. And so bring them up out from underneath Satan. You realize John 6:44 says that you are of your father the devil. And so their father, essentially, spiritually at birth, is not the heavenly Father. You've got to bring them out from underneath sin's curse, out from underneath the father that is the evil one, and into Christ.

That happens because "faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God" — Romans 10:17. You have got to be able to share the gospel with your children and bring them up out of spiritual darkness and into redemption — Ephesians 1:7. Bring them up so that they can walk with Christ, Ephesians 2:1–10, so that they can walk on their own eventually in Christ.

Don't teach them just how to put one foot in front of the other and swing a bat and throw a football, how to save money and run a household. That's not biblical fatherhood. Biblical fatherhood is training them up in righteousness. 2 Timothy chapter 3, verse 16 says that the Word of God is for training in righteousness. Training, training them up, training them up in the way. Proverbs 22:6 says that we should be training them up in the admonition of the Lord. This is how you parent. It's an upward thing, not a downward thing. This is a positive thing, not a negative thing. This is something that ends in a positive thing. Bringing them up. So don't be a downer all the time. Don't be guilt-tripping and shaming and giving them the silent treatment. Don't be name-calling, accusing. You know, the Smith Bible Dictionary — if you look up the word "devil," it says "accuser of the brethren" — and so constant accusations are evil. Don't be one who is accusing or name-calling or shaming or guilt-tripping. It's just a negative thing. You're going to exasperate your child.

The father is responsible to develop a positive, spiritual, supportive culture at home in Christ. Intentionally cultivate a spiritual culture of learning about Christ. It's necessary from the father. The father must do this. And hear my heart — it agonizes for single-parent mother homes. I understand that now this weight falls upon you. It's very possible. It was done in Jesus' case — Jesus didn't have Joseph forever. It's done with others in the Bible as well. And so, sticking to the text, I do understand that there are special cases.

But I want you to see in God's Word as well how to bring them up. And this Greek idea gives us the fact that it denotes formal instruction — formal instruction with the goal of spiritual maturity. Turn to Colossians chapter 1, verse 27 and following, and see a progression here in how the father is to formally instruct with the goal of spiritual maturity. And this requires a lot of effort. Colossians 1:27: "To whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Verse 28: "We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ." That word "complete" means mature.

And so as you are proclaiming Christ and admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that you may present every man complete in Christ — starting in your home — there's a purpose statement here. And verse 29 — it does not say: "For this purpose I also sit on the couch, cross my feet, and let my wife do everything." It does not say: "For this purpose I also drop them off at church and let everybody else do my job." And it doesn't say: "Let them watch TV all day." Guys, listen — this is a fully engaged, laborious thing. You are not going to develop fully devoted disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ with ease. The words "labor" and "striving" denote energy. "Energia" is the root word — energy — and it gives the idea of working until exhaustion.

And so just because you're tired is not an excuse. This is not easy. Salvation and sanctification are not easy. You must work in this. So labor, striving according to His power. The good thing is that God gives you the energy. The good thing is that God gives you all the grace that you need to accomplish His ends. The good news is He will bring up to your mind what you need to know, if you are faithful to put it in there. I remember having a test in Bible college one time, and a professor of theology said, "Well, boys, God can't bring out what you were not faithful to put in." So here's the test.

I'm just saying to you that we've got to be faithful to putting into our hearts and minds the Word of God, so that the Holy Spirit of God has something to be able to pull out at the need of the moment — and He can do that.

And so fathers are to personally disciple their children. According to verse 27, you see that there is salvation in Christ. "Christ in you is the hope of glory." You see, this is an upward thing. We have hope. It doesn't end in a negative thing. You should not tell your children, "You're going to go to hell unless you repent and believe the gospel," in a negative way. See what I'm saying? I think we should portray Christianity in the hope of Christ and allure them with these types of beneficial lessons. And then in verse 28, teachings of Christ are happening. Verse 29 — we are laboring to do this.

So this indicates: if fathers are giving the upward direction to Christ, therefore fathers are not to be saying things like, "Don't do as I do." And then as well, you cannot instruct your children only in what not to do — you should also say what to do. Tell them what to do, not just what not to do.

So I have a clever little saying for you who like those. If you train them up early from the start, it'll save you much aching in the heart.

Point number two — I hope you're not in a hurry today. Contend for your children. Contend. Jude chapter 1, verse 3 uses the word "contend" as a combatant war term. You're to contend earnestly for the faith, for salvation. If fathers are to contend for your children, contend for your children as one who is fighting against evil, trying to separate your child from evil's influence and win them — like an athlete striving for a prize. 2 Timothy 2:5 says that we are striving for a prize. What better prize than to see your child come to faith in Christ, to be baptized, be a member of the local church, study the Bible for themselves, and make disciples? You want a parenting goal? There it is. See your child to Jesus.

And when Jesus saves them, lead them to biblical baptism. Lead them to becoming their own member of the local church, fully dedicated. Membership is a covenant, and that means that everything that Acts chapter 2 talks about — the ordinary means of grace — we are to be totally devoted to. And the Bible around here is very specific. We have Bible study on Sunday mornings at 9:30 — that's very important. Worship — very important. Theology Wednesdays, getting to know who God is — very important.

Let me give you just a little caveat about how important theology is. You all know that serious trials are going to happen in this life. We are guaranteed sufferings and trouble. You cannot adhere to and gain sound doctrine or deep theology and comprehend the goodness of God in suffering while you're suffering, unless you have already learned the sovereignty of God, unless you have already studied the attributes of God, unless you already have a conviction that God is good, no matter what. You know why? It's not these cheap sayings: "We'll be happy in the middle of a trial no matter what." It's not these cheap sayings: "Just be optimistic. Just be happy." "Just give it to God." What does that mean?

We truly have to know the God of the Bible before the valley. Before that child dies. You had better be able to say, "God, I thank You for the years I was able to have the child that You stewarded in my care. He, she, belonged to You from the beginning, and You gave me this amount of time — I thank You for it." That's not going to come in the middle of a trial. And you know what? You can't even tell somebody to say that. If someone loses a child, you can't tell them, "Better thank the Lord."

Man, you had better be one who was given to Bible study, knowing God through deep theological study. You're responsible. You know that 2 Timothy 2:15 says to study, to show yourselves approved, rightly handling the Word of God. This is for your own good. It's not for God's good — it's for your good — that you would dedicate yourself to Christ, His church, His ways, fully commit, fully submit.

And as you are a member of a local church, Beulah Baptist Church, we've cut away all of the non-essentials. We're not doing anything that's wasting time here. We're not playing games. We're being obedient to Christ, Who is producing fully devoted followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. And so your parenting goal would be to see your child to Christ, baptized, belonging to a local church, able to study the Bible, and able to make disciples. It's the Great Commission in a nutshell.

And as you look at contending for your child's faith, now it's going to get specific. In chapter 6 — go back to chapter 6, verse 4 — there are two words here that are very clear. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline" — this word, "discipline." The King James says "nurture." Boy, that's a good word. These disciplines — think of the word "discipline" as disciplines, training them.

What are you going to do if you are tempted? Well, 2 Timothy chapter 2, verse 22 says, "Flee, flee from your youthful lusts." That's training. Repetitiously training them in the Scriptures, helping them to memorize Scriptures as a solution to the problems that they're facing. You're training them. You're practicing the disciplines in them. You're creating scenarios that they need to know in order to be victorious when the day of battle comes, because God will give them a way of escape — that's what the Bible says. He'll give them a way of escape, but you have got to train them in order to do that.

And so these positive truths — this word "discipline" is referring to positive truth, the care and the nurture and the disciplines. It means the whole of training and education. Including the morals, including the mind, including walking with Christ, including all of what they need to be trained up in Christ. And the force is not downward. The force is up — training them up in Christ. And so it's a positive thing. It's not always stated in the negative: "If you don't, this is going to happen." It's not always being negative about things. The force from the Father is driving them up with this reality. The Father's aim is upward, and through discipline — you know, we are commanded not to spare the rod. Use it sparingly? No — use it.

And so as you are ones who accurately and biblically train your child, or discipline them, you are in the end giving them hope, a way forward. You have clearly communicated your expectations. Perhaps those expectations were not met, and now, as they are little, you need to discipline them. But that's a small part of this idea of discipline. Discipline encompasses the whole of training in Christ.

And so 2 Timothy 3:16 does include this downward idea of reproof, but right away it's correcting — it's right back up into the positive. So you are to discipline and nurture your children. That's positive truth. But the Bible also says here to instruct and admonish them, and that comes with a negative warning. And so the father's job is both positive truth and negative warnings. You must tell them the results of what will happen if they are not able to obey. You have to — this word "instruct" means "put into their mind." The realities of rebelling against Christ: put it in their mind and correct them, but then encourage them. Colossians 3:16 gives us the example of this as well, in how we are to be teaching and admonishing. It's positive truth and negative warnings.

Just by observation — in regards to my own parenting, in regards to working with fathers now in ministry, the Lord willing, twenty-seven, twenty-eight years — just by observation, I would say it's very important, fathers, to balance these two well according to the child. So balance the positive truth and the negative warnings.

Number three — now we'll speed up — says this: lead without angering. Lead without angering. This prohibition is to lead without angering. You are not forbidden to make your child upset. Okay? Disciplining them and telling them that that was wrong is going to upset them. You cannot say, "No, you cannot have that," and they get upset — that's fine. So this command to not exasperate or provoke your child to anger is not so that you simply make a mess. They are not the boss. You get what I'm saying? So if they throw a fit and a tantrum, they're not the boss. You don't yield to those types of things.

Look with me if you would in the verse. Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger." So we are to lead without angering. This is a "do not" command. There are three things in this verse that you are to do as a father: bring them up, discipline them, instruct them. There is one thing that you are not to do, mentioned in this verse. Now, if you were to write a parenting manual and you got to the "do not" section — perhaps in the chapters you say, "Okay, don't do this, fathers" — boy, it would be a long list, if you ask me. But in the brilliance of God, He has given you one thing in this particular area not to do. And it's very important. There is a high level of emphasis on this one thing not to do. And you are not to provoke your children to anger. Don't keep prodding and correcting until you make them inwardly frustrated and angry. Do not abuse the authority that God has given you as a father to the point where it empties your effectiveness — by repeating and infuriating them. You can make your child inwardly hate you, and that will fall upon, sometimes, oftentimes, their perception of God.

So this is weighty. This is really important — that we are able to correct and discipline in such a way that we are not provoking them to anger. But to provoke is very interesting, for those who like to do word studies. It means to incite resentment. It means to inwardly rouse to wrath. They're exasperated, they're irritated, and they're internally angry. And in the Bible, anger is the strongest of all the passions. God's emotion towards sin is what? Anger. It's the strongest emotion.

Incorrect fathering can cause inner anger. It can cause that child's heart to smolder like coals, which will eventually erupt into a flame — fury. And so incorrect, negative parenting provokes them to anger. How does that happen? Well, by implementing too many policies. You're all rules, rules, rules apart from relationship. So you've got to keep your relationship first before the rules. Done by harsh treatment — being mean-spirited. And so, sadly, if the father provokes their child to anger, it will fall most likely, oftentimes, upon their relationship with the Lord.

I'd like to say to you that we need to reserve raising our voice for when it's crucial. I raised my voice and said to my daughter, "Stop!" because they were coming to a road and there was a car coming fast. I hope and pray that, because I have limited how many times I raise my voice, that would strike her in such a way that she would stop and her life would be spared. And so we need to wait until it's crucial. "Do not marry that guy!" Whatever the case needs for the moment — raise your voice when it's crucial, lest your loud voice become normal. Did you have a parent that was always loud and yelling? Did that become normative — "She's always yelling" or "He's always yelling, he's always mad"? It lost its impact. And so reserve those passions and that loudness for when it really is important and must be biblical.

And so the father's discipline is directly connected to the child's heart for God. Keep that in mind — very, very, very important.

And so now, by means of three take-home truths, I wrap up with you. Number one, in regards to just looking at this whole idea of biblical fatherhood, it's very important that the father projects a happiness in Christ. So number one: be happy in Christ. If you want your child to follow you, to be like you, and to one day when they grow up and leave the house say, "Man, I love my dad. I love my mom" — by the way, this paternal aspect has a lot of overlaying truths, and so this applies for both mothers and fathers — if you want your child to be able to say, "This is great. This life, it works. My mom, my dad — I'm happy in Christ," this is referring back to being well.

Look in verse 3. Ephesians chapter 6, verse 3 says, "So that it may be well with you." And so the children are instructed, according to verse 2, to honor their fathers and their mothers. And so the father should demonstrate it going well. This Greek word "well" means good, prosperous, going well — it's not very hard to understand. Matthew 25:21 says, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of the Father." And so the Bible says to rejoice — and again I say rejoice. Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice. This is a happy thing in Christ. Jesus started His first sermon with all kinds of happy, happy, happy, happy — blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed. He baited the people into an optimistic, positive relationship with God.

And so you as the father should portray an optimistic relationship in life with the Lord. A child can only do what's right — because that's the right thing to do — for so long until he gets exasperated, because that's just what's right. What's right should lead to happiness in Christ, because we have the rewards of righteousness, we have the fruit of a good life. And so be joyful, be filled with the Spirit. What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? You are one who has a melody in your heart. You are praising God, you are singing, and you're having fellowship with God. You are one who is extremely thankful. Verses 18 to 21 in chapter 5 make it very, very clear: "Do not get drunk with wine, that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, and singing and making melody with your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks for all things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, to God, even the Father." So this is a very, very happy lifestyle. And that is what characterizes your life.

Point number two in take-home truths would be this: progress in the Scriptures together. Progress in the Scriptures together. You don't know everything that there is to know about God — none of us do — and we shouldn't portray that we do. And as your children grow and learn about Christ, you all as a family should progress together. You should be sharing with one another constantly how you are growing in Christ. Ezra 7:10 gives the format that we like to adhere to: study, practice, teach. And so you should be studying the Word in such a way that, hopefully while the children are young, you're studying together and you're practicing what you learn together, and then you go and teach others. Study, practice, teach. Ezra 7:10. And we've got the format and the 3D Bible study available online and in print in the back, to study the Bible together.

And train in righteousness. Progress in the Scriptures together. Memorize verses. Ask yourself, "What are we struggling with?" And when you nail down what that problem is, find a verse that addresses that problem. Memorize it together. Address that problem together and progress in the Scriptures together. Progress in your relationship with Christ together.

Strategize, categorize, memorize. Catechizing is going to have this format of asking a question and then they have a predetermined answer. We have resources in the back where you can catechize your child, or you can train them in righteousness through questions and answers in regards to sound doctrine and theology. And then strategize — scenarios. Set them up for success. Talk about the future things that they're going to struggle with and the future things that you need to help equip them in, in order to be a strong Christian in the Lord. Ephesians 6:10 says, "Be strong in the Lord." How are you going to train them up in the Lord to be strong? You've got to progress together and see them through.

And so now number three is simply the Great Commission: make them into disciple makers. Make them into disciple makers. That's the end goal for the Great Commission. And so we show up to church and we worship God, but that's not the end goal. Your goal is not just to get to church. We regularly worship and learn and have fellowship and pray in church, but that's not where you stop. The church is almost like an ignition station — it's going to ignite your life in Christ, it's going to send you on mission, you're going to be on fire for Christ. And as you do that, during the week you're a Great Commission Christian. So we worship on Sundays, and then during the week we are Great Commission Christians — we are going and making and teaching people to be fully devoted disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. It's a Great Commission. Understand the Great Commission and make that your parenting goal: to make them into disciple makers. That is God's goal, God's standard for all of us.

Now I want to end with some encouragement, because I know that if you're like me, you have not measured up to Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4. And there are oftentimes plenty of regrets that can have the potential to smolder and cause a lot of inward agony. And I just want you to know that God can forgive you and cleanse you of your sin. But you've got to confess. And confession is towards the one whom you have offended, okay? And confession is not only towards the ones you've offended, but it's also to God. And so 1 John chapter 1, verse 9 says that if you confess your sin — okay, so sin, one by one by one, confess them. Fathers, if you have sinned against God and your children by not living up to the biblical duties of a father, biblical fatherhood, confess and ask.

And if you confess your sin, there are two promises in 1 John 1:9. You need to know this. Okay? God does not want you walking around with guilt and shame and agony and regret for the rest of your life because perhaps you feel like you blew it, or your kids are grown and gone. God doesn't want that for you. He wants you to have life in Christ. So how do you get to that point? You've got to know 1 John 1:9. It is very conditional — if you confess, He will not only forgive. We focus on "forgive." "Okay, the payment's done. I'm not going to hell for my sins. Thank the Lord. I'm forgiven." Yes, you're forgiven. And yes, your child can forgive you. But the next part is where I want you to really understand. He'll forgive you and cleanse you.

This cleansing means that the Word of God has washed away all the stains and the guilt and the cause. Did not Christ bear all of that on the cross? Then why would you carry it? It's not yours. The shame of failure was borne by Christ on the cross. So cry if you need to — it's fine. Confess, pray, get it out of you. Confess and be cleansed by the Holy Spirit of God.

Your children's life in Christ is not dependent upon how good you are or how well you're able to train. You are a part of it. God is sovereign. God is able. And He is most certainly able to make up the distance between where we failed and where they need to be. Praise God.

And if you have experienced what is called mercy and grace — between where you failed and where they are or where they need to be — doesn't it cause you to praise God? Doesn't it give you joy? And it gives you happiness in Christ. That's where you've got to be. I praise God for it. So I want you to end with encouragement here. And if you need to apologize to your children, do it. It's a wonderful time with the Lord. And make sure you continue to make steps in your own relationship with Christ. And remember that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Let's pray. Dear Lord, I ask that if any soul here is not saved, that You would draw them by the power of Your Holy Spirit under conviction. And I pray that they would feel conviction of their sin in such a way that it would cause them to repent to You and say, "God, I'm sorry," to pray and to confess You as Lord and Savior. Lord, if they are examining their life right now and they do not see that they are in the faith, according to 2 Corinthians 13:5, I pray that You'd save their soul. If there are souls here, God, who do not long to know and to understand You through the Word of God, I pray that they would realize that they are unregenerate and need to be saved. If, Lord, they do not enjoy the fellowship of Christians, according to 1 John 3:1 — if they do not long to be around the church, around believers, and to enjoy their company and encouragement and even corrections — Lord, I pray that You'd show them that they're not yet saved. Now I pray, God, if they do not live in the light, apart from darkness, according to 1 John chapter 1, verses 6 and 7 — they're not yet saved. Lord, if they have not fallen under conviction and confessed their sin to You and been forgiven and cleansed — and not yet saved — if their life does not show an increasing obedience to Your Word, according to John chapter 3, verse 36, show them, dear Jesus, that they need You, that they are not yet saved.

Father, if anyone here has a guilty conscience and they know that they're doing wrong and they must do what's right according to Your Word, I pray that You would lead them to confess their sins. I pray that You would lead them in how to be made right before You. I pray that You would save them, dear Jesus, and give them a new heart, according to Ezekiel chapter 36, verse 26. You give them a new heart, and that You would also cause them to walk in Your ordinances. Thank You, Father, for these promises. And I pray that You would save souls continually here at this wonderful, faithful church, and see that they would continue in Your Word, to be baptized and to belong to this dear church through membership, and study the Bible faithfully all the time, every time that they can, and then also go and make disciples themselves and be faithful, Great Commission Christians. And wherever You're taking them, wherever they are, Father, I pray that You would make us faithful, for that is ultimately the goal — faithfulness in You, to continue in Your Word. We do love You and give You praise, and ask Your special and wonderful blessings upon all of the fathers here today. Thank You for this day. We acknowledge Your death and burial and resurrection on behalf of those who would repent and believe the gospel, and we thank You for it and we worship You. In Christ's name. Amen.