Courageous Husbands Part 3

Take your Bibles if you would please and turn to Ephesians chapter 5, as we are now going to finish up the marriage section with a message entitled "Courageous Husbands, Part 3." "Courageous Husbands, Part 3." And the main emphasis of today's message is going to be that oneness in marriage is about Christ and His bride. Oneness in marriage is more than about your marriage. It's more than that. It's more about Christ and His bride and your further being united to Him, and this is more preparatory than anything. And so one author has said it like this: "What if marriage was more about your holiness than your happiness?" And that's a biblical truism. And we know as men that our wives help us to realize where we have fallen short, and we're so grateful for that.

I pray that today's message is a blessing to you. Let's think on this note. What if you knew that you only had a limited time left? What if you knew that? What if your spouse or even a loved one had just a limited amount of time left? You knew you only had a year or two left with them, or a few months. How would you live then? Would it be more meaningfully, perhaps more scripturally? I dare say yes.

And with the end in mind, let's then look at the text and say, "We are going to be with Christ one day, and we have time allotted to us now to be making ourselves more holy and ready to be united to Christ for eternity in heaven." And so marriage is a gift, and this message is not just for those who are married. The end goal here is to be making yourself ready for Christ. And so hear that in today's text.

Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25 to 33 is what I'll read, but the text is primarily going to get to verses 31, 32, and 33 and finish up the chapter, and then we'll start chapter 6, Lord willing, next week. And so Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25 says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all of her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, and that she would be holy and blameless. And so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies, and he who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. And for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." There's an emphasis there I would like to press into today. "And the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife, even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

And so from last time we were speaking on husbands, we discussed the fact that husbands are to be leading and loving and cleansing. And so with this in mind, I'd like to review that if you look at verse 24 and see the idea of subjection, that is to help us understand that husbands are to be leading as the wife is submitting. In verse 24, "But as the church is also subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be with their own husbands in everything." And so the husband's role in leading the home is clear, just as Christ leads the church. He's head of the church.

And then in verse 25 we see the idea of loving. In verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." And so if you would, turn to 1 Corinthians and let's take a look at love real fast. 1 Corinthians chapter 13 — if husbands are to love their wives, then the how-to can perhaps be found clearly in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 as we read and discuss the subject of love.

1 Corinthians 13 has been dubbed the love chapter, but 1 John chapter 4 talks about how God's love has been imputed to us and love is from God. And now as it works its way out in chapter 13, look — first of all — at the fact that if husbands are not loving, then they have really neutralized their influence. You have made yourself to where you are of no influence if you do not lead with love. And so in chapter 13, verse 1, it says, "If I speak with tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong." And perhaps you have noisy gongs and clanging cymbals in your neighborhood. You do not want to be the man who makes your wife feel like you're just a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And you can do that with a lack of love. And so if you are speaking with a harsh tone, that's not loving. And if you are acting with harshness in your character and your voice, that's unloving — then everything that you say and do is null and void. You're just a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal. And so you have really gutted your influence because of a lack of love.

In verse 2 it says, "And if I have the gift of prophecy and I know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but I do not have love, I am nothing." Men, listen, this is very important. I mean, there's just a list here of things that would seemingly be very important. A gift of prophecy, knowledge of all mysteries, having all kinds of faith even to remove mountains — you could be of great stature in the church. You could have a really important job and make a lot of money. You could be a very important man in the community. You could have all of these important areas taken care of and be dynamic. But if you lack love, the Bible says you are like nothing. "I am nothing."

In verse 3 it says, "And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor" — wow, so you're giving — "and if I surrender my body to be burned, but I do not have love, it profits me nothing." Love is — okay, now we've seen how important it is to act in love. Now we see what love is.

It's patient. Did you know that being impatient is so unloving, and that gets to the heart of the spouse? To be impatient is incredibly unloving. And yet God first loved us, right? And how patient has He been with us? And so with the same patience that God has displayed for us, we should also do the same. Love is patient. Love is kind. Ephesians 4:32 says to be kind. And so there's never an instance where we can be unkind. We always must be kind. And a lot of times we don't recognize, men, the tone of our voice and how it is unkind, and we are responsible for that. And so be correctable. Let your children and your wife have a word with you and say how they feel after you have spoken to them. Be very transparent, very honest, very humble, and very kind. And if they feel like you have been unkind to them, then they should have the freedom to be able to say that respectfully. And that's going to create within your home a tremendous amount of harmony.

So love is patient. Love is kind. It's not jealous. It does not brag. It's not puffed up. Too many husbands talk about their accomplishments and themselves, and they're the heroes of their own stories all the time, and a lot of times their family members would just be tired of hearing those types of stories. Don't be like that. Verse 5 says it does not act unbecomingly, and it does not seek its own, and it is not provoked, and it does not take into account a wrong suffered. That's a big one.

You're not going to add up the wrongs and you're not going to keep a list of things that have been transgressed against you. Are you not a Christian? And Christ Himself bore your sins on the cross and did not hold that against you. And so we as Christians forgive as we have been forgiven, and we have long-suffering as the attribute of love.

In verse 6 again it says, "It does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things." This is a great definition of love and how we live it out. It's very encouraging. It's very optimistic. And in verse 8, "Love never fails. But if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; and if there are tongues, they will cease — and they have. If there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes" — being Christ in His Word here — "the partial will be done away with. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, and think like a child, and reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known. But now abide faith, hope, and love — these three — but the greatest of these is love."

So it's very important, men, as we go back to Ephesians chapter 5 — first of all, to be leading, but secondly to be loving. And so we lead in love, and if you are not leading in a loving manner, you are no leader.

And then thirdly, we've discussed how we are to be cleansing. Look with me in verse 26 in Ephesians 5: "So that he may sanctify her." What a tall order. This is something that most husbands have not really fully embraced. And I have found that one huge missing ingredient in our home life is family worship, or family Bible study, or reading the Bible together and praying together, or worshiping God together. But the home is like a little church. The home is God's primary place where discipleship happens. That's the front line right there. And so husbands and wives disciple their children — they evangelize and disciple their children — and husbands do the same thing with their wives. They lead in these ways and they lead with the Word of God.

This idea of "sanctifying her, having cleansed her with the washing of the water with the Word" — this is paramount. We should be speaking about the gospel regularly in our homes. We should be speaking about Scripture regularly in our homes. We should use the Word of God in conversations. We should be discussing what's right and wrong based upon what the Scriptures say. And we should be formulating in our wives and in our children and in our homes a philosophy of marriage, a philosophy of education, a philosophy of parenting and caring for the elderly, a philosophy of church — all based upon the Word of God. And as we use the Word of God as our base, as our authority, then what we think and what we believe really doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what the Word says. And so I think little about what I think, and I think much of what the Scripture says. Men, listen — what you say is weak, but what the Bible says is strong. What we say is weak, but what the Scripture says is strong. And so say what the Scriptures say.

In order to be able to say what the Scriptures say, you have to have a daily diet of taking in the Word of God. The best way to remember what you read is not only to write it down — write down what you are learning — but you have to pass it on. And so what you give away, you actually keep. But if you keep it, you forget it. You're going to forget the things that you just read and don't give away.

But if you read with intentionality — trying to find out what the author is saying, getting that out, writing that penetrating truth down that has gotten to your mind and your heart, where you must align your life with that truth — and then if you want to remember that truth, you have to go and tell somebody about that truth. We say it all the time around here: in Ezra chapter 7, verse 10, there are three steps — study, practice, teach. Ezra purposed in his heart to study the law of the Lord and to practice it and to teach it to all of Israel. And so if you want to truly keep what you are studying, you have to do those three steps. It's the difference between two steps — in one ear and out the other — or three steps: not this way, but this way — from your head to your heart to your hands. So you have to study it. You have to apply it to your life and live it out. And then teach somebody.

And so there are three steps if you want to remember the truths that you're studying in the Bible. And husbands, if you want to grow in how you are a spouse, how you are a husband, you've got to be able to talk about these things regularly and to be transparent — especially with your wife. Say, "These are the areas that I'm working on. And by the way, if you want to give me an area or two, I would be glad to listen to what you feel like I should prioritize. Don't give me ten — that'd be too much. Just give me a couple of things. I'll gladly work on those first." And so cleansing, sanctifying.

If you think you're going to do any good in your wife's life, you had better first be on display daily as one who is being sanctified by the Word. If you are not studying and putting it into practice and teaching, if you are not being refined by the Word of God, if you do not show some progress in your own spiritual walk, you have no grounds to stand on to tell somebody else something. And so it first of all starts with you.

Now I want you to notice in verse 27 a really good purpose for marriage. In verse 27 it says, "That he may present to himself the church in all of her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless." Notice that we are going to be presented to Christ. And so in the context of marriage here, marriage is preparatory for being united to Christ. This is our warm-up session. This is more about Christ than it is about us. And so marriage is for preparing for Christ and becoming more and more holy and blameless.

Do you see how important it is, husbands, to be washing your wife with the Word? Because of you, it is going to be washing her. And ultimately you're aiming at eternity with Christ. Ultimately you're studying the Bible with the end in mind. Ultimately you're loving your spouse with the end in mind. Ultimately you have a destination you're going toward. So your wife is not the end goal. And wives, your husband is not the end goal. The end goal is this continual process of being sanctified and being prepared for Christ in eternity. This is supremely important. And so marriage is not the end-all. And when you're too focused on yourselves, it's kind of like as if church is the end goal.

Going to church is not the goal. If you have the wrong goal in mind, then you stop short of what it's really designed for. And so the church — as ones who now get here and worship God — it's a continual process. We learn the Word of God. We are equipped to go on mission, to make disciples, to evangelize. It's not the stopping point. Just because you made it here doesn't mean you can check off the box and say, "I'm good with God." The process doesn't stop here. The same with marriage. The process doesn't stop once you figure out how to be married. It's a continual process with Christ in mind.

And so in verse 28, you see this greater goal of meeting Christ. In verse 28 it says, "So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself." And then in verse 29, "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church." And so you see — "just as Christ also does the church" — this idea of nourishing and cherishing. Nourishing is keeping and appreciating. And nurturing is simply to keep oneself healthy — healthy with spiritual things in mind.

So husbands, listen — the conviction behind this passage is that the husband and the wife are inseparably connected to each other, with Christ in mind, to belong to Him. Ultimately you've been bought by Christ and you're part of His body, and we must focus on Christ in this marriage. And so we're to be building each other's souls up. Think about their soul — not just about their physical aspects. Don't think about just their mental state of mind. Don't think about retirement. Don't think about paychecks. Don't think about how clean the house is. These are important things. But the most important thing is to be building one another up in Christ. These are things of eternal value. The things that are invisible are more valuable than the things that are visible. We've got to focus on the right things. We've got to build each other's souls up.

One way, husbands, that you do this is to pray for your wife, as Isaac prayed for his wife Rebekah. In Genesis chapter 25, verse 21 — turn with me. I want you to see Genesis 25:21. When you have true confidence in prayer, then you lean upon prayer to fix problems. And this is something that Isaac did for his wife. He entreated Yahweh on behalf of his wife. In Genesis 25:21, if you want to be one who is building up your wife's soul, then pray for your wife. Pray to God on her behalf. It says, "And Isaac entreated Yahweh on behalf of his wife."

So husbands, entreat Yahweh. Go to God in prayer and lay out everything you possibly can on behalf of your wife. Pray for her. I promise you that prayer is effective. I promise you that if you would humble yourself, get on your knees, and pray to God like you really mean it for the things that need to be done, God will fix the things that you can't fix. And He will develop the soul, the appetite for Scripture, the faith. Even if there has been — listen to me, this may be a hard subject even to think about — even if there has been infidelity in the marriage, God can repair anything. Do you believe that God can do anything? He can.

Just because there is something that has happened to you in your life or to each other — and pray the husband just failed miserably, or the wife failed miserably — just believe me, young marriages in here, it ain't going to be perfect and you had better be ready to forgive along the way. If God were to sanction divorce because of adultery in every case, then He would not have told Hosea what He told Hosea — to go get Gomer, buy her back, get reunited, put the broken pieces together, love Me, love each other.

So if you are one who is going to lead in this way, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Pray for your spouse like God says to pray. I mean, look right here — Rebekah was barren. In verse 21, "Isaac entreated Yahweh on behalf of his wife because she was barren. Yahweh was moved by his entreaties, so Rebekah, his wife, conceived. Two nations were born in her womb." How meaningful it is to be able to look back on your life and see answered prayer.

A lot of us pray as if God is little. We ask little prayers. Here this is a big prayer. God's will will not be thwarted in your lives. If it was God's will for Rebekah not to conceive, it would have happened and then Isaac would have been confident in that. But he went to the Lord in prayer about it. And when God answers, you know it's God's will, and He gets the glory because only He can do what He has done. This produces a real joy within the marriage when you truly pray for one another and you see progress happening.

In Proverbs 5:19 it says, "Be glad in the wife of your youth." And so marriage has this aspect of joy and gladness, and you truly should enjoy your wife. Turn to Proverbs chapter 5 and I want you to see that it's incredibly wonderful when you are faithful to your wife. In Proverbs 5:15 it says, "Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well."

And so as you are faithful to Christ and faithful to your wife, there's going to be joy — as it comes up in verse 18. Proverbs 5:15 and following says, "Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for you alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and be glad in the wife of your youth, as a loving hind and a graceful doe." This is amazing — how wonderful and blissful marriage can be. It's a foretaste of heaven. It's a reflection of our joy in Christ. But it comes first of all with doing the things that God wants you to do.

And back in Ephesians chapter 5, as we are working on our sanctification in Christ — especially those of you who are married, you're working together on these things — it produces an immense amount of joy. And as you are thinking with the end in mind, as if you only had a little bit of time left, because we don't know how much time we really do have left — there are probably a few people in this congregation who have cancer and don't even know it.

We could have just a limited amount of time left, and so it behooves us to really live meaningfully and scripturally while we can. And if you are thinking like that, then you're thinking perhaps as — by way of example — like our family and I. We rarely get invited to really elaborate, you know, fancy meals and fancy things. We really don't care for it anyway. But if there was something really, really nice going on and we had to get dressed up for it — would I not have to prepare my wife and children and say, "Okay, for this event — it's a month out — I'm going to get a fresh haircut. And I'm not going to wear one of my old suits — it's got some stains and makeup from hugging people on the shoulder. I'm going to get a new one. This is a really important event. And I want to get you a new dress. I want to take you out shopping. And not only that, but I want to get you new shoes as well. This is a really special event. And the kids are invited too, so we're going to do everything for them as well." So we're going to prepare for this event. And then when it comes, we'll be ready.

Now just think with me in reverse real fast. If this amazing ballroom event or whatnot was happening, and I said at the last minute, "Oh yeah, honey, load up and grab the kids, let's go. I got somewhere we need to be. I forgot to tell you, sorry, but let's just go." And then we show up and everybody's hair is done up nice, fancy shoes and dresses and everybody's in suits and ties, and we kind of show up with our shorts on. Would we not be terribly embarrassed? Right?

Well, think with me about the fact that we have an opportunity to show up and see Christ face to face as ones who are prepared or unprepared. And husbands, it's your job to prepare the family for this dynamic reunion with Christ. We're going to be reunited with Him. In Revelation chapter 19, verse 7, it says, "Let us rejoice and be glad and give glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. And it was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints."

And so if you will be being prepared for this marriage supper of the Lamb, you're not going to be getting a fresh haircut and a new dress — because the Bible says that these clothes are the righteous acts of the saints. And so if we are going to be being prepared to be united to Christ, then we are going to be pure and holy. We'll be making ourselves more and more sanctified, more and more ready. Our character is going to be increasing as we read the Bible and study and pray together. And then as well, we are going to be on mission for Christ, because these deeds, these actions are going to be such that Christ either deems you as ready and prepared, or having done nothing.

And so Christians are on mission and they have this end in mind, to be doing everything they can while they can. And so inwardly they're being made ready, purified by Christ, by the Word of God, getting rid of the old self, not loving the world anymore. The things of this world are growing dimmer and farther behind, and your joy is not set on anything in this world. Your joy is preset on Christ. And as you are seeking Christ and loving Him, you're falling more and more in love with Christ. And everything that you have is leveraged for Christ, and everything that you are being — you are willing to truly, sacrificially serve and give and do whatever it takes to be pleasing unto Christ.

And so as we have this "making ourselves ready" in mind, it's mentioned not only in Revelation chapter 19, verse 7, but it's also mentioned in chapter 21, verse 2: "And I saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband." Do you see that Christ is using the imagery of a bride being adorned for her husband in marriage, as a picture of us being united to Christ in eternity? And we are being made ready. And do you understand how to make yourself ready? How to get ready for eternity, to get ready to be with Christ? And then in chapter 21, verse 9, the last phrase says, "I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb."

This is fascinating. And so Paul was encouraging the church in Thessalonica in chapter 4, verse 3, when he said, "This is the will of God, your sanctification." 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, verse 3 sets before you one aspect of God's will — your sanctification. Be working on that.

And so by way of application, husbands — do you have a passion for your purity? And do you have a passion for your wife's purity? Do you have a passion to set her up for success in the face of impending adversity? Are you truly preparing your wife not only to survive this world but to be ready for Christ? We have to do these types of things.

Internally we must be preset like Daniel. Daniel chapter 3, verse 18 — he said, "We are not going to serve your gods." That's a great statement. Out loud he said to his colleagues, "We are not going to serve your gods." Sorry, Nebuchadnezzar. You're not going to make me compromise. And so as we have this eternal preset in our mind and in our heart and in our families, we also work it out in the united will and willpower of us and our wives.

Ezekiel was one who was appointed as a watchman over Israel to guard these things, right? And so as the prophet was one who was guarding Israel, husbands, you also are to guard and protect your wives and your families. In Ezekiel chapter 3, verse 17, he was a watchman and he was warning Israel, guarding Israel. And then David in Psalm 101:3, he said, "I will set no wicked thing before my eyes." So his internal purity is seen there in David's life.

And then with the oversight of the family and the church, in Ezekiel's life and in Daniel's life, we see how he's not going to serve the other gods. "We're not going to fall in this area." So in reality, what do all of these convictions look like in practice? Where's the starting point in your own life? Well, it starts with just simply reading the Bible and praying and talking about how you can personally improve at home. And if you would be transparent in these areas and read the Word of God — whether it's husbands with the families, wives with the children, together, any way and every way you possibly can — work it out to the best of your ability and start scheduling these things to put the most important things as a first priority.

And also, not only Bible reading and praying, but also singing. This is the overflow of what God is doing in your life. And so even if you don't have a voice like our worship leader, Jimmy — maybe it's more like mine — turn to the house and fill your home with thanksgiving and praise. You can sing along with those types of things. Preset the tone of the atmosphere in your home as looking unto Jesus and worshiping Him. This is important.

Now I want to give you one more pointer. Husbands, remember — in order to be able to do all these most important things, it takes an intentional investment of love toward your wife and toward your children and anyone else in your household. And this kind of love is spelled differently for the wife and children than most husbands would spell love. Love for us — we may spell it L-O-V-E. But if you would ask your wife and children how they spell love, it's T-I-M-E. They may not say that, but they feel that and they need that. And it's not just being there in the flesh. You have to be who you are in Christ. And what I mean by that is it doesn't count if you're stressed out. It doesn't count if you're mentally somewhere else. And it doesn't count if you're irritable. It doesn't count if you're impatient. If you are going to love your wife and your children, then it is through time with them, with you being who you are in Christ.

You cannot give them your leftovers and expect them to be completely nurtured and cherished. You can't be at the end of yourself all of the time and expect to have a thriving marriage and children who are also going to thrive in Christ. Your life must be on display daily. And so there's an element of governing things in life so that there is room and time for the priorities. That's such a balancing act. And in premarital counseling I often say to the husband-to-be, "Listen, your priorities will increase as life goes on and you will have less and less time and energy. When you hurt the worst is when you have the most to do." That's just the way life is. And so we must truly get used to balancing our pie-like shape of time.

And so if you want to spell "time" as an acrostic, T-I-M-E, you can write down "Together Intentionally Maturing for Eternity." That's what time is really going to be in your home if you're investing it correctly. Time is the starting point for leading and loving and cleansing.

Now all of these things in the text lead up to a climax. They lead up to something that is beautiful — and that is unifying. In verse 31, back in Ephesians chapter 5, it leads up now to this idea of oneness. And this is a climax. The reason why I say it's a climax is because in verse 31 it says, "For this reason." So all of these ideas that we have been studying up to this point now culminate in this capitalized clause: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife — united to his wife — and the two shall become one flesh." This is the reason for which all this leads. This is the climax of leading and loving and cleansing. And now it's unifying.

And so if you're taking notes, one through four is very simple. Number 1 is leading. Number 2 is loving. Number 3 is cleansing. And number 4 now is unifying. These ideas flow through the text. And this climax of us being joined together gives us the Greek idea of being glued. Now not the cheap glue that you get in elementary school — where you glue some construction paper to the wall and it can be gently pulled off with both pieces still intact. This idea of being glued is like super glue. Once it's on, it's not coming off without ripping the other or hurting the other. And when two become one and they're united, they are glued together in such a way that they're inseparable. And if there is to be a separation, it's going to be painful, it's going to destroy and hurt and tear. So don't do that. Don't separate. Stick together. This is to help you understand that you're cleaving to one another.

In Mark chapter 10, verses 6 to 9, the Bible says, "From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother" — so Jesus said this — "and the two shall become one flesh, and they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." This is important to know — this is a one and done thing. When you come together, it's a lifelong commitment. And we want to be united together in such a way that not only are we inseparable, but this is the metaphor for how we are united to Christ.

And so the command is substantially enforced in Ephesians chapter 5 to be united in the area of cleaving. And so you're not depending upon the glue, okay? You're not depending upon the marriage certificate. You're not legalistic in your marriage. You're not depending upon, "I went down to the courthouse and I paid $50 for the certificate and I guess I'm married now, so I've got to do it." That's not what you're leaning upon.

This idea of cleaving and holding together for dear life — Joshua chapter 23, verse 8 says, "You are to cling to the Lord your God." The same way that you cling to your wife, the same way that you cling to the Lord. And this is a life and death situation, truly. Most husbands know that if they tear apart from this, they're taking their life into their hands. It's really a life and death situation. But not just for that reason, but between many different things.

And so this earthly marriage is not the aim. Christ is the aim. These are all helping us to understand that this is a reference unto Christ. And so therefore the worldly view of marriage — when a husband makes it about him — errs in a substantial way. If he makes himself the goal of the marriage, then who is he usurping? When the marriage is about Christ and the aim is about Him, and some arrogant man in the marriage is making everything about himself — how he feels, what he wants — or the wife is doing the same — then they are making themselves the purpose, which is to make yourself the one to be focused upon, which is to commit idolatry.

And so the goal is to be pleasing to Christ. 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verse 9 says, "It is my aim to be pleasing to Christ." And so if the husband or wife makes all of the issues about themselves, then not only is there infighting, but they are not living accordingly. They're focused on personal preferences and personal comforts, and every wish that they have they want to be met, as if their spouse exists to meet their every need. We must grow out of this elementary, worldly view of marriage.

And I'm telling you, young men and young ladies, listen — that's what Hollywood wants you to believe. That's the reason why there are so many divorces out of Hollywood. This romanticized, false idea of marriage is so loud in our culture that it makes you think the marriage is about you, and it's not. It'll actually make you think, in a young marriage, as if you deserve to have everything up front — perhaps like your parents, who have worked their entire lives to have nice cars and a nice house and security and all that kind of stuff. They've worked decades to achieve what they have. Listen, most of the time God will let you live in some pretty humble areas and earn your way through. It's just the Lord's way.

Thank you, honey, for sticking it out. We have dealt with some bugs and some neighbors and — oh man, you know — at one point we could do this right here in our living room: I can touch one wall here and I can touch one wall here. But God allows us these trying times. They're going to get you beyond yourself and focus on Christ and lean and pray and truly strive for what matters.

Husbands, if you are making the marriage about you and you think that your wife exists to make you happy — or the same way, in reverse, for the wife — it's almost like a ticket holder for an NBA basketball game who walks out into the middle of the game at halftime and says, "Oh wait, wait, wait — I just got here. Y'all started without me." That makes no sense. It's almost like an ant that comes out of the hole and says to the builder who's building a mansion, "I live here." Right? It's almost like a homeless person who walks out in the middle of New York City and tells all the stock brokers, "Stop! Y'all can start when I say you can start." If we center our marriage around ourselves, how foolish have we become? As foolish as a homeless, ant-like ticket holder who simply has no idea what is actually going on or what it's actually about. And so our marriage must look beyond ourselves and into Christ and have purpose-driven motives, aiming at Christ — not today, not the end of the day, not our wishes.

And so I pray 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verse 9 for us all: "Therefore we also have as our ambition" — as our goal — "whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him." This is our goal — to be pleasing unto Christ and to look unto Jesus. And so don't commit idolatry. Exodus chapter 20, verse 3 says, "You shall have no other gods before Me." Idolatry is putting yourself or something in the face of God. I dare not face off with God, right? So therefore I dare not make our marriage about me. We've all been guilty of these things. And now as a point of growth, we adjust midstream and say, "Lord, have mercy on me."

So we have a pure devotion for Christ. This permanent union is wonderful. It's called a mystery in verse 32: "This is a mystery. It's great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church." Mysteries in the Bible are spiritual truths that help us to understand Christ. Mysteries are not intended to be left mysterious. Mysteries in the Bible are to cause you to be curious about Christ and to see Him. And everywhere you look, mysteries in the Bible are pointing to Jesus Christ. They're mentioned several times even in the book of Ephesians in regards to mysteries. Ephesians chapter 1, verse 9: "Making known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Him" — in Christ. This mystery was made known. And then in chapter 3, verse 3: "By revelation there was made known to me a mystery, as I wrote before in brief, about which when you read, you can understand my insight into the mystery of Christ." And then in verse 9 of chapter 3: "To bring to light for all who is the administration of the mystery, which for the ages has been hidden in God, who created all things." These mysteries are to be made known.

And so now, as we see this mystery — which is Christ — revealed through all kinds of different ways, the illustration of marriage is used as a mystery for us to be insightful about the things of Christ. It's beautiful. Verse 32: "This mystery is great." This whole thing of heaven — Christ as the center of our life, as our aim, as our purpose — this is a great purpose. It's not a little purpose, not short-sighted. This is motivating. This is wonderful. This is fantastic. He is speaking in reference to Christ.

And in verse 33, "Nevertheless, each individual among you is also to love his own wife, even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

And so I'll leave you quickly with some take-home truths. Number one: those who are married are to be closely united. Closely united. Those married are to be closely united. In verse 31, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become" — write the word "become" down. This is something that you are not going to become overnight. This is something that is going to take years and years and years and even decades and decades — to get a good apprehension and comprehension and grip on. As you study the Word, you get better and better at loving your wife, or loving your husband, and loving Christ. This is something that you are growing in, you're becoming. And so those married need to be closely united. Protect the unity of your marriage.

Do not let things like a Diotrephes get inside of your marriage. The Apostle John addressed the church and said, "Hold on, I know there are divisions among the brethren. I know that this guy named Diotrephes is kicking people out and saying that they can't be members of the church. I know he's causing troubles, but I'm coming." And perhaps for this young church, it didn't have a plurality of eldership or a strong pastor yet, and perhaps this young church was in its nucleus that John was talking about. He addressed the problem and said, "I want to deal with it." And the same thing for husbands — protect the unity of their marriage, address the problem, deal with it, and keep the Diotrephes-like divisions out. Keep the problems out, because no problem is going to get better on its own. So protect the unity. Become better and better at problem solving. Be becoming one.

And so number two: be close with Christ. It's very simple. In verse 32, it's talking about this reference being to Christ and the church. And so marriage is illustrating our union with Christ. The closer you are with Christ, the closer you can be with your spouse. You cannot do it any other way. If you try to become closer with your spouse than you do with Christ, that can become idolatry. You can't put your spouse before Christ. Let's put Christ first. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you" — Matthew 6:33. We've got to put God first. He's second to no one. And so in our own hearts and minds, be close to Christ.

Number one: those married are to be closely united. Number two: be close to Christ. Number three: marriage is not about you. There's some waking-up sauce for you. It's not about you. The goal is Christ. And as you are passionately seeking Christ, marriage is blissful. And as soon as you make it about yourself, marriage is awful.

Number four, my last point: make yourselves ready for Christ. This applies to everybody. Be making yourselves ready for Christ. Whether you're married or not, no matter how young you are or how old you are, every child in here — be making yourself ready for Christ. Be memorizing Scripture. Be correcting your own character. Be eliminating anything in your life that is unholy or displeasing to the Lord. Self-correct midstream. If you are gossiping, you can just stop in the middle of the sentence. You don't have to finish that sentence. If you are thinking a terrible thought, you can change your mind. Colossians 3:2 says, "Set your mind on things above." You can change your stinking thinking. You can be making yourself ready for Christ as you're going every single day. You can be aware of God's presence, and He can be near to you to the point to where you are walking worthy of your calling. You can be ones who are walking circumspectly. You can walk carefully before Christ and be making yourselves ready.

In my opinion, there's no better place to be making yourself ready than Beulah Baptist Church. As I look around at other church models and other things — simply not as focused on Bible teaching, and their Bible study groups, and theology on Wednesday nights like we do — it's just amazing how I have inwardly felt for years now that there's no better church than Beulah Baptist Church. So glad to be here with you guys. And I believe that we are doing all the right things to be making ourselves ready for Christ. It's not going to be a surprise when we see Him. When you die and you see Christ, you're going to be ready. Continue in the Word. Amen? Amen.

Let's pray together. Lord, thank You so much for the time in Your Word that we've had as a church family. And as we continue to seek You first, I pray, dear Jesus, that if anyone here is not saved, that perhaps they would be saved. Isaiah 45:22 says, "Turn to Me and be saved." Lord, if one is turned away from You this hour, I pray that You would turn the posture of their heart toward You — draw them toward You, convert them, dear Jesus, give them a new heart. I pray, dear Jesus, that as You convert them, they would confess You as Lord and Savior, they would turn from their wicked ways, and be saved.

The Bible says in Isaiah chapter 45, verse 22: "Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth, for I am God and there is no other." I pray, dear Jesus, that the ones who would be saved here at Beulah Baptist Church would continue in Your Word and be baptized and belong to this dear church, learn how to study Your Bible, and then go forth and make disciples. We pray this in Christ's name. Amen.